The Five Stages of Grief by Jacob Black
by Karisan-karisan
Summary: After the Volturi go back to Italy Leah left too and now she's back. Suddenly Jacob's quiet life is upside down and he finds himself going through the five stages of grief...all because of her.
1. First Stage Denial

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I truly hated Breaking Dawn. I never thought that a great story would end up sounding like a lame soap opera. All the characters were out of place and the plot was totally ruined. I felt disappointed and most of all deceived. I've read many Twilight fictions which are actually more interesting than the book. The thing I hated the most in BD was Jacob's imprint. He did not deserve that. So this is just a short story about Jacob, who in my opinion should've found love with Leah. At least they make sense. I don't hate Nessie though, so I'll not bash her or Bella. They are good characters they're just poorly portrayed in BD. Like everything else.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**First**__** Stage – Denial**_

When Seth called me that morning I would've never guessed I would end up on his front porch with Embry and Quil waiting patiently for one of our members to come home.

Leah was coming back for a visit after being gone for a year. She used to call up on Sue and Seth to see if they were ok, but the rest of us were kind of left out. I knew that was the reason she left. She wanted to stay away from us and La Push. She wanted to stay away from the place where she had been truly unhappy over the passed three years. But most of all she wanted to stay away from Sam and Emily who had deeply hurt her and she wanted to be able to have a normal life, whatever that means.

I had made her my beta. She'd been there for me when I most needed and she was loyal. I knew I could trust her. She said she joined me because she wanted to keep an eye on her brother but I knew Leah better than that. She wanted to break free from Sam's grip. I was the first person she told about going to Seattle for a while. I couldn't force her to stay because Leah was too stubborn. She would always get what she wanted.

Seth and Sue were sad for a while. Especially Seth. Leah was his sister. Not only she was his pack sister, she was also his biological sister and they had never been apart since they were children. Leah was always there for him. Embry and Quil on the other hand were quite relieved. Although Leah had mentioned several times that she was over Sam and she had forgiven Emily, she was still bitter and sometimes it was hard to be around her and share her mind. She wanted to have a normal life and it was my job as her alpha to let her go. So I did.

Seth told us Sue was going to cook a family dinner to celebrate Leah's arrival and we were invited, after all we were her family too. So I had called off my evening plans with Nessie to have dinner with the Clearwaters.

I had put a cleaned shirt on and tennis shoes because I wanted to make myself presentable. Embry and Quil were also full clothed. Seth was walking around nervously with his hands on his pockets. He was really annoying me.

When I was almost thinking that she wasn't going to show up a car appeared right in front of us and a very different, new and fresh Leah got out. It took Seth less than two seconds to reach her. They hugged for a while and my jaw almost dropped when I heard her laugh.

-How's my baby brother? – she asked playfully.

-I'm fine and you?

-I'm good Seth.

I took a few more seconds to look at her. Her hair was longer, it was now over her shoulders. She was dressed in thigh blue jeans and a purple top. She looked younger and quite attractive.

Embry and Quil were also surprised by her new looks. She hugged them briefly and then she met my eyes. She smiled and I couldn't help a grin. She new I was friends with the Cullens and yet she was going to have to hug me. I had showered but the stench was always there. And I knew she hated it.

Surprisingly she didn't even comment on that. Her embrace was warm and it made me feel happy that she was back. I never realised that I had actually missed her until now. Or maybe it was just the feeling of her body against mine that was making me think that way. I had never been so close to her and I couldn't understand why I hadn't realised she was so attractive.

When we let go and I was about to say a smart remark about her homecoming, my grin faltered. A black haired guy was coming out of the car. He was carrying a small bag and smiled at us.

-Guys, that's Aaron Buckley. He's my boyfriend.

What the hell! Leah had a boyfriend? Since when? Seth moved to the guy's right side and his smile faltered. He wasn't expecting Leah's little brother to be so…tall.

-So you're dating my sister? – Seth asked trying to intimidate the guy. He wasn't failing but I would've done better. I would've made him piss himself.

-Yeah…I guess I am.

-What kind of mental issue do you have? – Embry asked going to his left side. Aaron was trying not to show fear but I knew he was scared to death.

Leah went over them and poked Embry in the chest.

-What the hell are you implying Call?

-Nothing. – he grinned.

-Does he treat you well? – Seth questioned.

-Of course he does. – Leah assured and I felt my insides twist. Was she really going out with that guy? She was supposed to love Sam…right? Ok, maybe it was good for her to move on. Sam was married now and we all knew the imprint wouldn't break. She couldn't just sit around and wait for him to come back to her. That would never happen. But seriously? Was she really dating a guy named Buckley?

-That's Jacob. – I heard Leah's voice and looked at them. I had been distracted and stupid Aaron was laughing at me.

-What's so funny? – I asked. That shut him up immediately.

-Nothing… - he stuttered.

-He's probably missing Ness. – Quil said in a low voice. It looked like he was the one missing Claire. I hadn't been thinking about Nessie.

-How's Nessie? – Leah asked.

-Fine. - I stated.

-Oh you have a girlfriend…why isn't she here? – the dipshit asked. The guy's nerves.

-Nessie's not my girlfriend. She's my…goddaughter.

-Oh, sorry.

-How long are you going to stay Leah? – Seth asked.

-A few weeks. I'm on vacation.

Before we could say another word, Sue's voice reached us.

-Leah? Is that you?

Leah walked inside taking Aaron with her. I couldn't believe she had actually brought a stranger home with her. To meet us. What was she expecting? Our approval? She was a wolf, she was one of us, she should've known better. We were supposed to hide our secret and now she was jeopardising everything. Suddenly I didn't feel like staying for dinner, especially when that meant I had to put up with that guy's face. I usually wasn't an unfriendly type of person, but for some unknown reason I couldn't help it. The only time I had acted like that was with…Edward Cullen. But that was understandable because he was trying to take Bella away from me.

Dipshit Aaron complimented Sue's cooking skills and then he started to tell us how he and Leah had met. I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying. I knew he just wanted to cause a good impression but I wasn't buying that. By the end of his fairytale life with Leah for the last five months, I was convinced he didn't deserve her at all.

Ok so he wasn't that bad looking. He had black short hair and green eyes and was just about Leah's height. He dressed properly and not like the rest of us, with scrappy shorts and old shirts. He worked at a lawyer's office and owned a small apartment in Seattle. But still, he wasn't Leah's type. Not in a million years. He was weak, he was…normal.

After dinner I kicked Aaron's ass at all the XBox games we played. He was only able to beat Quil because Quil was more used to play with dolls. When I saw Leah alone in the kitchen I said I was thirsty and asked Embry to finish that game for me.

-So…did you miss us? – I asked her.

-Of course I did. – I knew she was being sincere. I wanted to tell her she was making a mistake dating Aaron but that would sound weird coming from me. I was just a friend. Her alpha. Someone who couldn't stop her from doing what she really wanted.

-Why are you here, Leah?

-I don't understand…I'm visiting my family…

-Are you sure you're not just here to prove something? – she wasn't stupid. She knew exactly that I was referring to Sam Uley. Even if she really was over him, there would be a part of her that would want to show Sam that she had made it, that she was happy again.

-No, Jacob. I'm not here to prove anything to anyone. Especially not to Samuel fucking Uley. – she spat. Well she was still feisty, that hadn't changed at all.

-Does Aaron know about what we are?

-Of course not. Do you really think he'd be with me if he knew?

-People say love's unconditional.

-Within limits.

-Will you ever tell him?

-I don't think so. I'm trying to quit phasing…I need to know if I can still be a normal person.

-Right…you still want the house, the white fence and the kids.

-Is that wrong?

-No.

-Then why are you so upset?

-It's good to know you still have dreams and hopes for a better future but I can't imagine you with…him… - I moved my head towards the living room where her current boyfriend was.

-Why not? He's a good guy…

-He doesn't know the real Leah Clearwater.

All that Aaron could see was the surface of Leah. Deep down she was much more than what she showed him. She was a strong young woman, a protector of La Push, the only female wolf in Quileute's history, _my_ beta. He didn't know any of that. And he would never know about her darkest secrets like we did. The pain she went through when Sam left her after seeing Emily, the pain after Harry's death, the constant suffering about not being able to have children. Leah had a very heavy baggage over her shoulders and Aaron was not worthy of her. That much I knew.

-Jacob you're acting as if you're my dad. I don't need that kind of shit from you.

-I'm still your alpha.

-Is that a threat?

-No.

-What are you going to do tomorrow? – she asked changing the subject. I guess she didn't want to fight with me in front of her lovely boyfriend.

I shrugged. I had no idea. Probably I would just hang around and go to the Cullens. I doubted she would want to come along.

-Aaron didn't believe me when I told him we used to cliff dive from First Beach's cliffs. Do you want to go and show him?

That was a nice invitation. I would certainly enjoy watching that little shit's face when he saw us diving from the cliffs.

-Sure. – I accepted. Aaron was going to be surprised. With some luck I would also be able to humiliate him and make him look like a scared little girl. That would show Leah he wasn't good enough for her.

The game was on.

xxxxxxxxxx

I woke up suddenly and realised I wasn't alone in my room. Leah was standing by the door waiting for me to get up. I remembered that we were going to cliff dive. Aaron wasn't around.

-Did you make up your mind already? – she asked.

-About what? Cliff diving? I'm always up to that…

Leah entered the room and closed the door behind her. She was using a sundress which caught my attention. She never wore dresses before.

-Jake…Are you confused? – she asked again. Actually I _was_ kind of confused with all those questions.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and watched as Leah walked towards me. She sat on my lap and put her arms around my neck. I was petrified. My mind was numb and I couldn't even remember my own name. What the hell was happening to me? What the hell was she thinking?

I put my hands around her waist to push her away but I brought her closer to me instead. She wasn't as heavy as I thought and her eyes were shining in a deep brownish colour. I had never noticed her eyes before. They were really pretty.

Our faces were now too close and my heart skipped a few beats. She was staring at me and I felt my stomach flip hundreds of times. Then she closed her eyes and leaned on. Our lips were almost touching. I closed my eyes too and waited for the contact.

-Jacob! – my father's scream made me open my eyes. I was still lying down on my bed. It was a dream. Shit.

I didn't know why I was so angry. Was it because I was dreaming about Leah? Or was it because my father's voice had prevented us to kiss in my dream? Shit. Shit. Shit. I was clearly out of my mind. Where the hell did that dream come from? I had never dreamed about her before.

-Jacob! – my father's voice was now closer and I got up and met him at the door.

-What?

-Leah's here.

-What? – I felt like someone had thrown me into a volcano. I was heating up so fast I almost thought I was going to combust right there.

-Are you ok son?

-Sure, sure…

-She's with Seth and another guy…she said you're going to cliff dive.

That was the plan. To go cliff diving. Actually I really needed a cold shower.

-Get dressed Jacob. – Seth yelled. – Hurry up.

In the end I guess it was a good thing my father woke me up. I was scared to think what would've happened if I kept dreaming.

A few minutes later we were all in the cliffs. Quil and Embry were arguing about the last time we cliff dived. Seth and Leah were watching the ocean and Aaron was looking shitless scared about what we were going to do.

-So…Aaron…have you ever done this before? – I asked knowing the answer.

-No. I'm not a very good swimmer.

-Really? Well Embry works as a lifeguard in the Summer, so you don't need to worry.

-Do you really jump from the top? – he asked taking two steps back.

-Yeah. – Seth, Quil, Embry and I answered.

-Who's going first? – I asked.

-You could do the honours. – Leah suggested.

-I could…but you're the one visiting…

-Well…I'm not going to jump. – she stated.

-It was your idea. – I retorted.

-I don't think I can jump either. – said poor little Aaron. As if I'd give a shit about him jumping or not.

-Come on Leah, Aaron's going to think you were lying all the time. – I provoked.

-I'll go if you go first. – she said.

-I have a better idea. Why don't we go together?

In a flash I was beside her, I grabbed her waist and jumped over the edge. She put her arms around me and the last thing we heard were Quil, Embry and Seth's laughs. The water wasn't as cold as I thought and when we reached the surface Leah was royally pissed off with my juvenile actions, so she said.

I laughed and then she gave me a small smile which meant I was forgiven.

-It was funny…admit it Clearwater.

-Just a bit Black…and it was only funny because I missed doing this.

The waves were throwing us against the rocks and we knew we had to swim to the shore.

-Want to race? – I suggested knowing that her competitive attitude wouldn't allow her to say no.

-I would, but you have an advantage. You're wearing shorts and I'm fully dressed. I'm heavier…

What I did next was totally off boundaries and I didn't even realise what I was doing before actually doing it. I dived and took off her shoes. Then I grabbed her jeans' waistband and took them off as well. When I surfaced she was staring at me but she didn't hit me. Encouraged by that I slipped my hands underwater again and lifted her shirt up. She was now wearing only her underwear. Red and sexy…I was definitely a dead man. I had stripped Leah Clearwater while her boyfriend was standing on the cliffs probably asking himself if we were alive.

-Ready? Go!

At the sound of my voice Leah and I started to swim furiously towards the beach. She was still fast as a lightning but I was far more experienced than her. Surprisingly we got to the beach almost at the same time. She was just a few seconds ahead of me and I had to blame her underwear for that. I could only have a glance of it if she was swimming ahead of me.

Crap. Was I really thinking about Leah that way? What the hell! She was just a friend. Ok she was a really hot friend but a friend nevertheless. Seth's sister, Sue's daughter, dipshit Aaron's girlfriend. I was loosing my mind. That was really disturbing.

-I won Black. Don't forget that.

-No way Clearwater. I won.

-Are you blind? I got here first.

I didn't answer because I was too occupied watching the way her breasts were going up and down while she was lying on the sand. Shit. This was getting out of hand.

-Those jeans were expansive, did you know that?

-What? – I asked stupidly. What was she saying?

-It cost me a fortune.

-Oh…right…I'll be right back. Don't move.

I went back to get her clothes. My thoughts cleared a bit once I was in the cold water. So what if I noticed Leah's breasts? I was a man and she was a woman. It would be strange if I suddenly started to notice Seth or Quil's biceps and Embry's eyes, right? I mean how many guys would ignore a woman like Leah standing in her red underwear right in front of them?

Anyways I just needed to admit that Leah Clearwater was kind of beautiful and attractive. Aaron was a lucky bastard and that was it. End of story.

When I got back to the beach Leah was still lying on the sand. I splashed a few drops of water and she got up immediately.

-Asshole.

-Bitch.

She grinned. It was good to see that she hadn't changed that much. Aaron wasn't such a big influence on her.

-I got these…Can you handle it yourself, or do you need help to dress up?

I didn't know why I asked her that. I was trying to act normal but her mere presence seemed to cloud my mind and made me act like an idiot. I was wondering if she was aware that I was flirting with her when her words caught me totally off guard.

-You took it out…You can put it back. If you can handle it Black.

That was a challenge. One that I couldn't back off.

She put her arms up and I slipped her shirt back on quickly. I could hear Embry, Quil, Seth and Aaron getting closer now.

-It's backwards Jacob… - she complained. – If you're doing a job, do it right.

She was provoking me and I was feeling nervous by the minute. I took the shirt off and put it back correctly. Then I got on my knees and she lifted on of her long and sexy legs. This was torture. I wasn't supposed to feel this way about her. I pulled her jeans up her legs slowly and when I reached the waistband her hands touched mine. I didn't let go because I was literally on fire.

I have no idea how long we stood there staring at each other but finally I managed to let go.

-Thanks Jacob. For getting these for me.

-I…I…I got this too. – my brain was slowly functioning again and I gave her one of her shoes. I couldn't find the other.

-Thanks. But I guess now it's useless.

-Well Seth can carry you back.

Their voices were now really close.

-You're just like Cinderella…Whoever gets to find the other shoe will be your prince charming. – I mocked.

-Well I didn't know you were such a romantic Black. But usually Cinderella is a beautiful, nice and kind girl…I don't think I fit the profile.

-I think you do. – my hand moved to her face and I put a stripe of her brown hair behind her ear. We were almost touching and this time I realised that my heart was beating so fast that the others would notice something was wrong.

-I've got to go…I'll see you later. – I waved at the others and disappeared quickly into the forest. That was possibly the weirdest thing that happened to me in years. Not only I had flirted with Leah Clearwater but I was also thinking how beautiful she was and how good it would feel to hug and touch her.

I was in deep shit. I had to snap out of this fast and the only way to do it was getting my mind to think about something else. Not Leah, not her body, not her eyes or her smile. What could I do to stop thinking about her? Nessie…

I hadn't seen her since yesterday's lunch time. She was my imprint. I should've at least called to check on her and yet I had been cliff diving with Leah. Nessie never crossed my mind until now. That was wrong. I had imprinted on her for a reason, right? She's supposed to be my world and I was neglecting her.

I left the beach behind and I decided to pay a visit to the Cullens so I could apologise to Nessie. When I got there she was playing in the garden with Esme and Alice.

-Hi Ness…how are you? – I came closer.

-Hi Jacob. I'm fine. We're making mud pies. – she smiled at me and showed me her little hands filled with mud. She was cute.

-Nessie…you were supposed to be playing the piano. – Rosalie's voice reached us.

Nessie sighed desolated. She wanted to play a little more with Esme and Alice. Suddenly I felt out of place. She looked happy enough without my presence. But that also made me feel a little less guilty. I had been worried about her being angry with me.

-She did ask where you were this morning, but she knows that you have other things to do. – Edward came out of the house and Bella was right behind him.

-So how's Leah? – Bella asked.

Bella was never fond of Leah but since she had joined my pack and helped to protect Nessie from Sam and then from the Volturi, she tried to be nice to Leah every time they met.

-She's…fine.

-Is she…you know…less bitter than before?

That was probably what everyone really wanted to know. Everyone knew she had left because of Sam.

-I guess. She's dating again.

-Really? – Bella was surprised.

-Yeah.

-He's a shithead and doesn't deserve her? – Edward questioned. He had picked that up in my mind and was quite surprised to know that I hated Leah's boyfriend. That wasn't good.

-Well, he's an outsider. He doesn't know about us. - I tried to explain.

-But if she's dating him it means he makes her happy. – Bella reasoned.

-Whatever. – I didn't want to talk about that idiot. Actually I was there to forget about Leah and her boyfriend.

-Renesmee…time to go inside and take a bath. Now. – Bella ordered.

-But mummy…I want to stay here.

-No, you're all dirty and aunt Rosalie is waiting for you. Come on.

Nessie tried to win the argument but Bella took her hand and didn't flinch when the little girl started to whine.

-Bye Jacob. – she waved.

-See you later Ness.

Great now I had nothing to distract me from thinking about her.

-You know it's ok to think about her. – Edward said. I hadn't realise he was still there.

-No it's not. I love Nessie… - I stated.

-I know you do but you're not in love with Nessie. It's different.

-What the hell are you saying leech? I'm not in love with Leah!

-Are you sure? I can read your mind Jacob and there's definitely something there about Leah and how you feel about her…

-I just think she's nicer now. She's different…that's all. She has a boyfriend, remember?

-A boyfriend who you want to cut into tiny pieces and burn.

-No! I don't want to do that.

My brain suddenly screamed _liar_.

-Whether is love or lust…you do have new feelings developing Jacob. And they all concern Leah Clearwater.

-Damn it, Edward. I didn't see her in a year. I missed her. What's wrong with that?

-I never said it's wrong…you did.

-So what if she looks good and funny? She's just a friend. My beta…I don't feel anything for her.

-I believe you're in denial. But soon you'll realise that I'm right.

I turned my back on Edward and headed home.

-Fuck you leech. You don't know anything about me.

On my way to La Push I decided I didn't want to go home yet so I went back to the beach. Seth and the others were probably having lunch so I wouldn't run into them. Edward's words were still replaying in the back on my head like a stupid and annoying song.

How could I, Jacob Black, fall in love with Leah Clearwater? She was out of limits for so many reasons. Besides I had imprinted. I couldn't love them both. I had once said Bella that one could love more than one person at the same time. But this was wrong. I had imprinted on Nessie since she was born. She was my soul mate. Since then I hadn't been interested in girls. I wanted to wait until Nessie was older.

But for some stupid reason Leah's image was stuck on my mind. Why? I didn't understand why I had been feeling like this since she came back from Seattle. I walked down the beach searching for answers but I never got them. I was totally screwed and my stomach was complaining. I was starving. When I was about to leave I saw something near the water and I approached the strange object on the sand. I took it and realised immediately what it was. Leah's shoe. I remembered my words: _Whoever gets to find the other shoe will be your prince charming._

Coincidence? Yeah…right.


	2. Second Stage Anger

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I want to thank everyone who read this so far and the people who reviewed. Your words are highly appreciated. Don't you question yourselves how can a wolf imprint on a half-vampire child? I mean she's half of the thing he was born to kill. It's confusing…

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**Second Stage – Anger**_

It had been three days since Leah Clearwater's return. I haven't seen her since that day at the beach. I couldn't. I was too much of a coward because I didn't know what the hell I was feeling for her. I was a werewolf, an alpha and yet I was scared shitless of my own feelings.

There was a reason for that of course. From all the girls I had met why did I have to feel this way about Leah Clearwater? Why me? Why her? I couldn't find the answer. Actually I don't think there's an answer. This is just the way my life is. Weird and totally dysfunctional…I mean I'm a werewolf for crying out loud. How many people can top this? Probably nine…

I thought about her frequently after cliff diving, probably more than I'd like, and I ended up having an idea. If I didn't see her I would forget about her. It was that simple. Leah was visiting her family and she'd only stay for two more weeks probably. I just had to avoid her and everything would be fine.

So I kept my daily routine. Helping my dad every morning, going to the Cullens to see Nessie and patrolling. Well patrolling had become an issue. I was afraid to phase with the others because I wasn't so sure if I could hide my dormant new feelings for Leah in my wolf form. That's why I lied to them and pretended to be tired and sleep deprived. They didn't like it much but since we're on school vacation they didn't complain. Plus I was the alpha, I could simply alpha command them, although it never crossed my mind.

I still had a few relapses, especially when I was alone. My mind occasionally wandered to the moment I had seen her arrive with that Buckley asshole. I was trying hard to suppress all the feelings for her but in the end I was failing miserably.

-What the hell Jake…we've been trying to reach you for three days already. – Seth whined meeting me at the Cullens.

-I called you yesterday.

-To check on me…I knew I had to patrol. – he complained slightly annoyed. – What's wrong? Is everything alright with Nessie?

-Sure. She's fine. She's taking a nap…Why are you here anyways?

-Billy told me you're spending a lot of time here. He wanted me to check if you didn't forget about tomorrow.

I had a lot on my mind lately, mainly Leah, so yes I did forget. I had no idea what was going to happen.

-You forgot? – Seth asked looking shocked.

-Kind of.

-It's July, Jake.

-I know that moron.

-So you know all about the bonfire that my mother worked hard to organise at the beach to honour our ancestors, right?

He got me there. I had no idea there was going to be a bonfire.

-Look…I'm sorry Seth. I've been busy.

-So I see. – he said looking around. I was alone on the Cullen's porch. – So, you also know you're going to make a speech, right?

-Me? Why me? – what the hell! That was my father's responsibility, not mine.

-Relax…I was joking. – he laughed.

I glared and he shrugged. I was considering ripping off his head. I missed the old naïve and sweet Seth. Since Leah had left he had changed dramatically.

-Everyone is going to be there tomorrow night and I kind of need you to be there too. – he confessed.

-Why is that?

-Sam's going to be there with Emily. Leah will see them together for the first time since she's back.

It was actually lovely to see how much Seth cared about his sister.

-Right…and you're afraid what she might do when she'll see Emily's condition.

Emily was five months pregnant and although Leah already knew, this was actually the first time they'd be face to face in a very long time. Leah had Aaron now but meeting her ex-boyfriend and his pregnant wife could make her angry beyond belief especially because Leah would never be a mother.

-I'll be there Seth. Don't worry. – I assured him. Anyways I wasn't allowed to miss the bonfire. After all I was Billy Black's son. I just had to get used to the idea that I was going to spend a whole night watching Leah and her perfect boyfriend making out and try to keep her calm when Sam and Emily arrived. Oh joy…My life sucked.

xxxxxxxxxx

I had spent most of the previous night watching Leah's shoe. The shoe I had religiously brought home when I found it at the beach. She had told me she wasn't Cinderella so that meant I couldn't be her prince charming. Lets face it I was no prince. I might have the charms but I'm never going to be a prince. Edward was Bella's prince and Aaron was Leah's. So that's why I put the shoe in one of my drawers and decided I should leave it there for a while.

Yet I was feeling anxious about that night at the bonfire. Leah would be there. I was going to see her after three days. I had to think about something else and because my life was so great and shiny my sister provided me the thing I needed when she showed up at our house with Paul.

I hated that creep. He was crashing at our place whenever he wanted, he always ate our food and he was only dating my sister. He wasn't part of the family yet. That thought made me shiver. I would be Paul's brother-in-law. Fuck my life.

Rachel was all excited about the bonfire and Paul was agreeing with all she said. It was annoying. Why the hell did he have to imprint on my sister? He was a jackass. The next thing I thought made my guts burn and I felt guiltier than I have had before. But it was weird I mean, Paul, Sam, Jared and Quil had imprinted on human girls. Why the hell did I have to imprint on Nessie? She was only a part human. Weird much? Obviously.

-Where's Rachel? – I asked Paul when he met me in the kitchen.

-Changing clothes.

-Right…

-You look upset bro…

-Don't call me bro. I'm not your brother.

-Not yet.

I clenched my fists under the table.

-Did you fall in love with Rachel when you imprinted on her?

Paul blinked twice when I asked him that. I was sure he was thinking that I had been drinking or smoking something.

-I don't know. – he finally said.

-You don't know? How is that?

-I remember thinking that she was perfect but I don't think I was in love yet.

-So it wasn't love at first sight… - I mumbled.

-I guess it wasn't.

Having that conversation with Paul was beyond bizarre but it made me realise that the imprint pull was different in each case. Maybe I should talk to my father about my imprint again.

A few hours later we arrived at the beach. It was a starless night and the breeze was refreshing, at least for us. I spotted Quil and Embry sitting down on the sand and made my way to meet them. I sat down besides Embry and searched for Leah, Seth and Aaron. They hadn't arrived yet.

-Is everything ok with the leeches? – Embry asked. I knew he was talking about the fact that I had been absent from La Push for three days.

-They're fine. Blondie is having a crisis with her husband and unfortunately he doesn't have the balls to kill her.

Quil and Embry laughed and we started to talk about baseball and the new PS3 and Xbox games that Quil had bought. He was saving for a car but every time a new game was out he'd forget about the car.

After a few minutes I was starting to feel more relaxed until Sue, Seth and Leah came into view. My body tensed up but surprisingly asshole number one didn't show up.

-Where's the douche? – I asked.

-Who? – Quil asked.

-Buckley.

-Oh, he's gone.

-They broke up? – my voice betrayed me sounding too happy when I didn't want to have any high hopes.

-No. His boss called. Something came up… - Embry explained and my face fell. – And he's not so bad.

I didn't comment on that one. If I did they would know exactly what I felt for Leah. But it was good to know that dipshit Aaron was miles away from La Push and from Leah. My night had just become more interesting.

Seth and Leah joined us shortly after and we engaged on a quiet conversation while Sue, old Quil and my father were trying to explain the children the importance of honouring our ancestors. We had heard that talk hundreds of times so we didn't pay much attention.

It was good to see Leah acting so relaxed around us. It was obvious that she was happy to be there with us and that she was enjoying our company. She told us a few things about Seattle and she never mentioned Aaron, which made me wonder if she was actually missing him. I surely hoped not.

-We should do this more often. – Leah suggested making all of us look at her as if she had grown two heads. – What? We're having fun, right?

-Sure. – Seth agreed. – We should go out for the weekend…just the five of us. As a pack.

-That's a good idea Seth. – Leah complimented. She was a whole different Leah. More open, happier, nicer, not so bitter. I liked it…a lot.

-I guess we can go camping… - Quil said. – Claire's going to the Makah reservation to visit her grandparents.

-I'm free too. – Embry smiled with enthusiasm.

-What about you Jake? – Leah asked.

-I don' know. – I really wanted to go camping with them. With her. But what if they'd find out about my feelings for Leah? I would be in serious troubles. Besides I'd feel guilty for choosing Leah over Nessie. Half-vampire or not she was my imprint.

-Is the imprint pull that strong? – Seth asked. I looked at Leah briefly and for a split second I think I saw disappointment in her face. Was my presence that important to her?

-I don't think Ness will mind if I stay out of town for a couple of days. – I stated.

-Great. – Quil and Embry patted my back and then I saw him. Sam Uley. Asshole number two was on his way. He was walking towards us and Emily was right on his heals showing her swollen stomach. I guess she wasn't doing on purpose but still, Seth and I exchanged a cautious look. Seth moved quickly and sat down besides Leah, who was now between me and her brother.

Sam stopped when he reached us and sat down near Seth but it was Emily who spoke first.

-Leah, it's nice to have you back.

-It's nice to be back Emily, but I won't stay for too long. – she replied with a pleasant smile on her face. We were appalled at the very least.

-How've you been? – Emily kept on asking.

-Fine. I'm working and I have a boyfriend so I guess everything's good.

Great…she mentioned the jackass. My mood changed abruptly and I felt Sam's intensive glare on Leah. Why was he glaring at her? Emily was pregnant for crying out loud! He had no right to glare at Leah just because she'd said she had a fucking boyfriend.

-Jake, are you ok? – Embry asked. I hadn't realised I was trembling.

-Yeah. I'm fine. – I tried to calm down.

-Well Leah I'm really happy for you. I hope you can bring him over to meet us some day.

-Sure.

-Does he know what you are? – Sam's voice was low but thick.

-No, Sam, he doesn't. – Leah didn't even look at him.

-You shouldn't be dating an outsider.

For once I agreed with him probably for the same reasons. He was jealous and so was I.

-You're not my alpha Sam.

-Well then I guess _your_ alpha should've told you that it's dangerous to date outsiders. You're a wolf Leah…you can lose control anytime and kill him.

Finally Leah looked at him straight in the eyes and Sam recoiled.

-You can't tell me what I can or can't do.

She was right. He didn't own her. Leah was free to choose her own future and she hated to be controlled by someone. That was one of the reasons why I had made her my beta. It would be impossible to put up with her if she hadn't some kind of control over the pack. Leah was too wild to tame.

-You're being irresponsible and you're putting his life in danger.

-I'm living my life Sam and I don't need your advice.

-Tell her Jacob.

Was Sam expecting me to tell Leah Clearwater that she couldn't date asshole number one? Because I'd really love to do that, I mean I wanted to tell her that ever since I saw them together. And that wasn't the only thing I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that Aaron wasn't the right guy for her, that he didn't deserve her and that she would be better off without him. I wanted her to come back. But I couldn't do that.

-I'm sorry Sam… - I murmured.

-See? My alpha agrees with me Sam. He's a better alpha than you are.

-Sure…because he did such a great job keeping you here, didn't he? – his tone was ironic. – He should've never let you go.

I growled and Sam got up immediately. Jared and Paul surrounded us and Colin and Brady took Emily out of the way. Leah grabbed my arm preventing me to reach Sam. Fortunately no one was paying attention to us. Embry and Quil pulled me away from Sam and Leah and Seth followed us.

As if it wasn't bad enough for me to have feelings for Leah and knowing that she was dating someone else, Sam had to come and accuse me of being responsible for that. But the truth was I had let her leave home and I had practically thrown her into Aaron's arms.

We sat down away from the crowd and started planning our little camping trip. We wouldn't go far. Actually I knew the perfect place for us to go. It was right after the Canadian border but it would be ok.

-You don't need to blame yourself Jacob. – Leah's voice reached me. – I would leave even if you said no.

I knew that too well.

-I wanted to leave. It was my decision.

I wanted to tell her that Sam was right. I should've never let her leave. After our camping trip I wouldn't see her for a few more months, maybe years. She was planning on going to Seattle, back to Aaron, very soon. I'd just realised that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of letting her go again.

Why was my life so damn complicated? Why?

I felt her skin brushing against mine and my heart rate increased. I really was falling for her. I really wanted to be her prince charming…I really wanted her to be my Cinderella. But it was too late.

xxxxxxxxxx

The next day I overslept. It had been a long night and I was tired from all my inner turmoil. I got up and dressed properly. I was meeting Quil in a few minutes to talk to his grandfather about our camping trip. Sue and my father already knew and they had reluctantly approved.

It wasn't easy to convince him to let us go but since Sam's pack was around we managed to win. I ended up having lunch with Quil and that gave me a great opportunity to talk to him about something that was bothering me for quite a while.

-How do you feel when you're separated from Claire? – I asked, trying to act casual.

-In the begging it was hard. I always felt like I had lost something important. Now I got used to it. Whenever she's visiting her family I just feel worried about her sometimes but I know she'll come back.

Our imprints shared the fact that they were both too young. Quil would have to wait many years for Claire to grow up but he didn't seem worried about it.

-Are you going to wait for Claire? I mean…for her to grow up?

-Probably.

-Why? If she's just like a sister to you…why don't you go out with another girl? Do you think she'd care?

-No. She wouldn't care. Claire's just a kid and our imprint does not involve such feelings. I love her like a sister or maybe like a daughter. I'll be whatever she wants me to be. I'm not worried because one way or another I'll always be there for her.

-In that case do you think it's wrong to have feelings for someone else?

-If you're not in love with your imprint I don't think it's wrong.

-If Claire won't need you as a boyfriend, will you consider dating?

Quil was starting to be suspicious about my questions but he still answered.

-I guess so. I could do it right now but I'm not totally comfortable with the idea. I want to wait a bit more.

Quil's feelings were just like mine. I loved Nessie but I wasn't in love with her. He also didn't think it was crime to date other girls. We wouldn't be cheating because we weren't romantically involved with our imprints. Did that mean I could dream about a relationship with Leah without feeling guilty?

There was only one way to know that for sure. During our camping trip I would have to tell her about my feelings and wait for a reaction. For some reason my future seemed quite short.

xxxxxxxxxx

We ended up not going to Canada. Dipshit Aaron called Leah and announced he was coming back on Sunday. It was official. I was going to murder him in his sleep. The others were as disappointed as I was. Embry would give up everything to stay away from his mother for a couple of days because she was constantly asking him about the shredded clothes and his huge appetite.

-She said if I was a girl, she'd think I was pregnant. – Embry rolled his eyes at us. We were all having dinner in the only pizzeria in Forks. Leah had volunteered to pay us a meal to make up to us. We were planning on making her spend all of her money.

-Do you honestly think she can afford this? I mean we're five starving wolves. – Quil pointed out.

-If she doesn't have the money we'll end up having to wash the dishes and working here for a month. – Embry said.

-Have a little of faith in my sister, ok? – Seth asked. – She's trying to make us happy.

Make us happy my ass. The only way I would be happy was if Aaron stayed far away from her but he was coming over the next day.

I watched the television as we all waited for Leah to order our food. The news was announcing the latest NASA's shuttle which was going to be launched the next morning. It would be great if I could put Aaron on it and maybe Sam too. They would both have a nice and long trip in space and Leah would come around and maybe fall in love with me.

I mean I was good looking. Actually I was getting a lot of attention from all the girls who were at the pizzeria right now. When was Leah going to notice my charms? Aaron was no way near my level. What did she see in him?

-Aren't you hungry Jake? – Leah asked touching my arm. I hadn't realised the food was on the table and everyone was already eating.

-Sure, sure…I was…watching the news.

Quil laughed and before I could stop him from vomiting his words he was already spilling our private conversation about our imprints.

-Jake's in love with someone… - he declared.

-What? – Seth and Embry almost choked.

-He has an imprint Quil. He loves Nessie, right? – Leah looked at me.

I was frozen. What was I supposed to say. _No actually I think I'm in love with you but I'm not sure because I have a half-vampire child as an imprint who's growing up really fast and I feel guilty for having these weird thoughts about you and I kissing and touching. _I wish I could kill Quil right there.

-It's not Nessie. – Quil continued. – It's someone else. He's having a hard time because he's afraid he'd hurt Nessie.

-Is that true? – Embry asked.

I shrugged and kept on eating as if that subject wasn't important.

-I guess if he's not romantically interested in Nessie, then he should move on. – Leah said.

-That's what I told him. – Quil stated feeling really proud of himself. Bastard.

-The same goes for you. I'm telling you Quil…although we all know you don't have romantic feelings for Claire, people may think bad things about you. – Leah informed.

I laughed at his face. It served him well. He should've kept his mouth shut.

-You should be happy. You can still choose. – she added. – Like me.

-And you chose Aaron. – it wasn't my intention to say that out loud but it slipped.

-Yes. I guess I did.

I suddenly lost my appetite so I spent the rest of the dinner listening to my pack babbling about stupid things and trying not to look at Leah. I have no idea how we ended at the beach.

Seth and Embry were patrolling and Quil was sleeping next to Leah.

-You changed Jacob. – she told me. – You'll make Billy really proud.

I looked at her. I couldn't pretend she wasn't there, right next to me, all night long.

-You're different too Leah.

-Is it true? What Quil said…about you being in love with someone else?

-I don't know…You're not over Sam, are you?

I had to ask that. I knew why she had asked me if I was really in love with someone else. She wanted to know if it was possible for someone who had an imprint to refuse to be with his imprint and choose someone else to be with. She was thinking about Sam.

-If you're asking me if I'm still hurt…the answer is yes. I'll never forget. I did forgive them but I won't be able to trust them ever again.

-I'm asking if you still love him. If you'd take him back if he rejected Emily.

-He will never do that.

-You didn't answer.

-No. I would not take him back. We're over. I don't love him. Not anymore.

-Do you love Aaron?

I was getting to the point but I knew her answer could hurt me. It was then that I realised how stupid it was to dream about her. Even if she had successfully taken Sam out of her heart, she would never fall in love with a wolf again. I was probably even worse than Sam. He never had a choice. When he imprinted on Emily he didn't even know what was going on. As for me, I had an imprint already and although she was just a sister to me right now, I didn't know if my feelings for her would remain that way forever. Nessie was growing up and maybe I would fall for her in the future. I didn't want it though. I wanted to be able to choose. I wanted Leah.

While I was waiting for Leah to answer my question we heard Seth's howl. Quil and I got up immediately. A non-vegetarian leech was there.

-Lets go Jacob. – Quil phased and left running into the woods. I knew Leah didn't want to phase. She was trying to stop phasing.

-We can manage without you. Go home Leah it's not safe here.

I phased and joined my pack brothers. We ran across the forest picking up the leech's scent. Seth and Embry were a few miles ahead. I tried to focus on killing the leech but my thoughts revealed a deep and weird feeling of worry about Leah's safety. We'd left her alone at the beach. What if something happened to her?

_Leah's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. _

Seth was right. Although she didn't want to phase, she was still a wolf. But I could sense an uneasy feeling coming from him too.

_She's his sister. What's your excuse? _

I recognised Sam's thoughts in my head. The arrogant son of a bitch. Fortunately I was the only one who could hear him.

_Why are you here Sam? We don't need your help. _

_I was on patrol. _

I managed to catch a glimpse of my previous conversation with Leah at the beach. He had been listening to us.

_Very mature Sam. Why don't you go home to your pregnant wife?_

_I hadn't seen this coming. I honestly thought you were just being an immature idiot but now I know. _

_What the hell Sam…stop the riddles already._

_You like her Jacob. You have feelings for her too. _

_She's my beta. _

_She doesn't want to be a wolf. As soon as she stops phasing, you won't be her alpha anymore and she'll leave the pack just like she left La Push. She won't come back and she'll never love you. _

_I don't want her to love me. I have Nessie. _

_Who do you think you're fooling? I can read your thoughts and your emotions. You're falling for her. Do you even realise how stupid that is? You don't have a chance…_

_Shut up Sam. You don't know anything about me or my feelings. And stop messing with her!_

_You stop messing with her! You'll never love her like I did. _

_She's not yours Sam!_

_She's not yours either!_

At that moment I was no longer after the leech we were supposed to be chasing. I was ready to jump at Sam's throat. He was a fucking hypocrite. How dare he patronise me about my feelings for Leah when he was doing the exact same thing? He had broken her heart into tiny pieces. He had no right to be jealous or to accuse me of messing with her. It was as if he thought he had some kind of right over Leah just because they had a relationship in the past.

_We're on the same boat here asshole._

_No Sam, we're not. You're the one who hurt her. Not me. _

_You have an imprint. You can't…_

_And you have a wife and a child on the way. Leave her alone. You have no right to love her. _

I was being serious. I mean my imprint was a half-vampire child and I wasn't in love with her. But Sam loved Emily and we all knew that. He couldn't love both.

_Jacob, the vampire is heading to the beach. _

Seth's thoughts made my body shiver. Leah was at the beach. He could hurt her. I had sent her home but Leah was never good at following orders.

_Great alpha you are Jacob._

_Shut the fuck up Sam before I rip your face._

We ran as fast as we could and headed to the beach. Jared and Paul met us there and we started searching for the leech. Ten minutes later we gave up. The leech was gone and there were no signs of Leah. We all phased back.

-She's probably home. – Quil said.

I didn't volunteer to go to the Clearwaters because that would sound suspicious. So far Sam had already picked up my feelings for Leah and I didn't need anyone else involved in that mess.

-Call home Seth… - Embry suggested. Seth did what he was told and Sue answered the phone. Leah wasn't home yet. In that moment my insides twisted and Seth looked as if someone had hit him on the head.

-Let's search in the forest. – Sam ordered.

-I can find her on my own asshole. – I spat. Once again I didn't mean to sound so rough but Sam Uley had that effect on me.

-If he doesn't want our help, let's go home. – Paul said. – Besides Leah's not in our pack and she's a bitch.

I managed to grab Seth before he could reach Paul but I was tempted in letting him rip Paul's head. Actually it was hard to prevent myself from doing the same.

Sam forced Paul to apologise and after a few glares, they were gone. Embry, Quil, Seth and I split up and started to search for her. I was worried and it scared the hell out of me if we couldn't find Leah. I was near the Cullens mansion when I heard voices.

-Leah! – I called hoping to hear her voice.

-Yes. I'm over here.

I sighed in relief and met her. She was alone but I saw two shadows walking fast towards the mansion.

-Are you ok? – I asked.

-Yeah, I'm fine. I was going home when I ran into Carlisle and Esme.

I didn't think about the consequences of what I was about to do. I just needed to hold her in my arms to make sure she was alright. Leah hugged me back slightly surprised by my actions but I didn't care. It felt so good to be there with her. She was so beautiful under the moonlight and felt so warm. I didn't want to let her go. I only released her when I heard Seth, Embry and Quil coming our way. I inhaled her scent one last time and stepped back. Leah's eyes were stuck on me but she didn't breathe a word because the next moment Seth was embracing her.

-We thought the leech had hurt you. – he said.

-I'm fine Seth. I was just talking to Carlisle and Esme. Besides I'm still a wolf…I'll phase if I'll have to.

-What's wrong Jake? – Quil asked.

I was still trying to understand clearly all of the feelings that had hit me like a fucking tornado. I couldn't ignore what I was feeling for her anymore and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from her much longer. My feelings were real. They were there and I didn't want to pretend anymore.

-Are you coming? – Embry called me. – We're going home.

-No…You go ahead, I have to talk to the Cullens.

Leah looked at me surprised but she followed her brother quietly murmuring a good night when she passed through me. I had to fight the urge to kiss her when our arms brushed into each others.

As soon as they left I went to the Cullens and I found Edward already waiting for me outside. He knew I was there to talk to him.

-You were right leech. I'm in love with her. – I confessed. It was a good feeling to take that out of my chest. But then my heart was filled up with other feelings: anger and rage.

-I see. – Edward said. - You're at the anger's stage now.

-I don't know what to do. Nessie is my imprint. I love her and I don't want to hurt her. – I started pacing in front of Edward.

-Nessie loves you like a brother. You're her best friend. She's not going to be hurt.

-I don't understand why this happened. I was happy last month and now everything changed.

-Do you wish Leah hadn't come back? – that was a stupid question.

-No.

-Then what's the matter? I already told you that Nessie is going to be fine. I'll talk to Bella and I'm sure she's going to understand.

-I don't know if I can do this. I'm sure Leah will never want anything to do with me. I'm a wolf. I have an imprint. I'm worse than Sam.

-I'm inclined to disagree.

-You don't know how it hurt her! You weren't there to pick up the pieces! You didn't have to see her down the loneliness and destructive path. We tried to help her and nothing worked. She had to leave to heal…and I can't make her go through this again.

I was quickly loosing control. My head was spinning and my pulse increased. I felt the regular tremors invading me as I kept thinking that Leah would never accept me. And it was my entire fault. If only I hadn't imprinted. If only I hadn't loved Bella. If only fate hadn't made me imprint on her daughter. I had imprinted on Nessie because I wanted to stay close to Bella.

-I wish I never imprinted on Nessie. – I yelled knowing that I was going against the strong pull I had felt when I first saw her. Edward looked at me with pity in his eyes. He wasn't thrilled about the idea of seeing me marry his daughter either.

-I'm sorry about that Jacob. But you still have a chance. Your imprint bond is different from the others. You were able to fall in love again…you can choose.

-I can't. Fate took away all of my chances…all of my choices. I'm bound to stay with Nessie. Why did this happen? Why? I never wanted to imprint!

-Go to her and see for yourself. Just give it a try Jacob. For your own sake…Trust me.

I phased after he said those words and I ran along the forest feeling the cold breeze. I was angry mostly at myself. I had no one to blame. Maybe I could blame Leah for being so gorgeous but I knew that was wrong. It wasn't her fault that I was such a freak.

When I stopped running I realised I was just outside the Clearwater's house. I could see Leah through her bedroom window. She was about to go to sleep. Edward's words replayed in my head. _Go to her and see for yourself. _What did he mean by that? I phased back and took one of Seth's shorts that were hanging on the rope in the garden. I was acting purely by instinct. I jumped and grabbed the edge of her window. Leah heard me and opened the window allowing me to walk inside.

-Jacob? What happened? Is everything…

I didn't let her finish the sentence. I hold her close to me and pressed my lips on hers. It felt amazing. A jolt of adrenaline awoke all of my body and I felt suddenly hot. I waited for her to push me away. I knew I was going over the limits and I wouldn't be surprised if she hit me. But she didn't do that. She answered back. Her lips moved with mine and she allowed me to close the gap between us as my hands got off her back and into her waist. I felt her hands on my chest and I thought I was in heaven. I was kissing Leah for almost a minute and I was still alive. That meant something. She hadn't pushed me away, she was responding to my advancing moves. She had feelings for me. The mind rapist leech was right. It wasn't too late.

And then the magic broke because her stupid cell phone started ringing. Leah finally pushed me away and kept staring at me while her phone was ringing on her bedside table. A quick glance allowed me to see Aaron's name on the screen. That fuck face had ruined our magical moment and now Leah and I were staring at each other not knowing what to say.

When she turned around to pick up her phone I jumped out of the window and phased. Things were going to be really confusing from now on but I wouldn't give up. Not as long as I had a chance.


	3. Third Stage Bargaining

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I want to thank everyone who read this so far and the people who reviewed. Your words are highly appreciated. oOFLAM3SOo, xXMikkaXx, Jo Harv., Jacobleah, brankel1, LM3795, honeygirl25, deviocity, Kei Kat Jones, Kcrane and ShadowCub thank you very much for your support.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**Third Stage – Bargaining **_

This was pathetic. I _was_ pathetic. I had kissed Leah Clearwater a few minutes ago and I was running scared to the only place I could think of: the Cullen's mansion. It was humiliating. Jacob Black was going to confide in Edward Cullen about his feelings. If I didn't know for sure that I was in love with Leah I would probably think I was turning gay.

The mind rapist was outside with the emotion controller leech. What a pair. One could read my mind and the other one could read and control my emotions. Fantastic. Since I didn't have any pair of shorts left with me and I refused to use vampire's clothes, I stayed in my wolf form.

-So I was right again. – Edward grinned after reading my mind.

_Maybe. I think she might have feelings for me. _

-Then why are you here Jacob?

_What do you mean? I couldn't stay there…I didn't know what to say to her. _

-So you don't have a plan?

_What plan leech? I just kissed Leah Clearwater! Do you honestly think I had time to elaborate some wicked plan? _

-You kissed her?

_I did what you tell me to do. _

-By telling you to go to her I meant for you to go talk to her, not kiss her. What an idiot.

_What the hell! You told me to see for myself. I was acting by instinct I didn't have time to think, ok?_

-I guess you're not the patient type. So what are you going to do now? Stay hiding at our place?

_Damn it leech! You put me in this situation. The least you can do is think about a way to put things right. _

-So you kissed her…

I showed him what had happened and Edward rolled his eyes.

-I don't understand why I have to keep watching you kissing girls…It's annoying. – the mind rapist whined.

_At least this time isn't Bella. _

-Point taken.

_Just h__urry up and tell me what to do. I don't have all night. _

-Since you kissed her and lived to tell the story it's quite obvious she likes you. – he stated.

-Or she was drugged. – the emotions leech said.

_Tell him to fuck off and leave us alone. __She wasn't drunk or high. _

-Jasper…give him a break. He's a bit nervous.

Jasper shrugged and finally went inside. These leeches had no sense of privacy what so ever.

-You need to talk to her Jacob. – Edward suggested. That was exactly what I feared. Talk. To Leah. Ha! What a joke!

_What if I misinterpreted her reaction? I mean I did catch her off guard.__ If that's the case I'm dead meat. She's going to hunt me down and kill me for sure. _

-While you were chasing that leech with your pack earlier I read Leah's thoughts when she was speaking to Carlisle and Esme. She was worried about all of you. Especially you.

_Me?__ Are you sure it wasn't Seth? _

-I'm sure but I don't know if she understands what she's feeling. Look…go home and have some sleep. Tomorrow you can talk to her. Be honest and everything will be fine.

What a waste of time. Edward Cullen was an idiot. His advice was useless. Be honest? Seriously? What good would it do if I was honest when the moment I'd open my mouth I knew that Leah would probably go into a killing mode and rip my head off? Fucking leech! I should've never listened to him.

When I got home everything was quiet and I went to bed. I didn't sleep though. Actually I didn't have a good night sleep since Leah had returned. I replayed the moment I kissed her over and over. The more I thought about it the more I knew that I would never regret it.

I had only kissed a girl twice. The first time I guess I deserved to be hit, although I never felt a thing and Bella ended up breaking her own hand. The second time was much better but still she was just trying to persuade me not to go fight the new-borns. It was actually a goodbye kiss because she was meant to be with Edward Cullen.

Now…I couldn't even describe the feeling. It scared the hell out of me because it was stronger than a hurricane. In one word it was perfect. Leah was perfect and I sure wanted to kiss her again.

I was now completely aware of the situation I got myself into. She was the one for me. I knew that but would I be the one for her? She was in a serious relationship with an asshole. A _boyfriend_. I hated that word. I hated him.

I'd have to compete with the fuck face for Leah. My body shivered at the thought. Not because I was afraid of him because I wasn't. For crying out loud I was taller and stronger than him and if I'd wanted I would've pulverised him from the face of the Earth already. But I had to play clean and that meant a real competition. It was just like the Bella-Edward situation all over again. Only this time I had to make sure I would stay with Edward's role. I wanted to win. I _had _to win.

There was a possibility that she would choose Aaron. After all I was nothing more than a second Sam and I didn't even know how she really felt about me. The kiss we had shared was the only thing that kept me on track. I had to try, for both of us.

xxxxxxxxxx

I was nervous. I hadn't slept all night and I was standing in front of the Clearwater's house for over twenty minutes now. I'd realised that Edward Cullen, despite being an idiot, was right. I had to face Leah. I decided that I was going to confront her once and for all. I would look her straight in the eyes and tell her about my true feelings.

Shit. I should've written a will this morning. I didn't want my things to get into Paul's hands if I died. He would get the Rabbit. Son of a bitch.

-Hey Jake…Are you going inside? – Seth's voice almost made me jump.

-What? – I asked.

-I'm going to patrol. Leah's in the kitchen with mum.

-Oh…ok.

-If you want breakfast you better hurry up inside. Leah's in a bad mood today.

That was frightening. To be in the kitchen with a pissed off Leah Clearwater was not a smart move. I guess I just had to keep her away from the knives.

Seth left and I entered slowly in the house. Maybe I should just wait in the living room although there were a few dangerous objects in there too. I had just sat down on the couch when Leah and Sue showed up.

-Good morning Jacob. – Sue greeted. I tried to smile but I guess I wasn't convincing enough. – What's wrong with you? I thought my daughter was the mood swing's specialist.

-I need to speak to Leah. – I said bluntly. I couldn't stand this anymore. My stomach was flipping, my head was starting to hurt and I was sweating.

-Really? Is that all you want to do this time Jacob? – Leah's sarcastic tone made my skin crawl. She was more than pissed off.

-I'm going to meet Charlie. See you later. – I thanked the spirits that Sue decided to leave because I sure didn't want to talk to Leah about kissing her last night in front of her mother.

As soon as she closed the door, Leah crossed her arms and glared at me. Her glares were legendary and I felt I was just waiting for my own funeral.

-I thought you had changed. But you're just kid, Jake…I'm going to accept your apology because we're friends. But honestly…couldn't you have picked someone else?

-What? – now I was really confused.

-How much did they pay you? I hope it was worth it.

-They?

-Embry and Quil. Don't try to fix a lame excuse for them. I know this was a prank…a bet. I could frame you for this, do you know that? What would Billy think if he knew about your stupid bets?

-Bets? Come on Leah…Do you actually think…

-It's fine Jake. I'm not that angry with you. I just wasn't expecting this kind of attitude from all of you.

She thought I'd kissed her for money. How humiliating was that? It would've been better if she had just knocked me out or just kill me with her bare hands. Was I really that pathetic that she couldn't even recognise a true kiss? Didn't she feel my heart beating faster?

-Leah…I… - maybe I should kiss her again to prove that it wasn't a bet. I took a few steps towards her and she never took her eyes of mine. Her back was now against the wall and I was pretty much inclined to corner her and kiss her until she realised what a true man really was.

-Jake…what the hell are you doing?

That was a question I didn't know how to answer. All I wanted was to feel her pressed against me and kiss her. I grabbed her shoulders and when I was about to lean on, a hard knock on the door startled us. Leah pushed me away and opened the door quickly.

-Hi babe. – I heard a voice say.

-Aaron, you're early. – Leah hugged her boyfriend briefly and then he spotted me.

-Did I interrupt something important? – he asked.

I fought the urge to launch myself against him.

-No. Actually Jake was going home. He came to see Seth but he just missed him.

I never thought I could feel so useless in my whole life. Why did fate hate me so much? I was trying really hard to do the right thing and everything kept on blowing up in my face. Now I was standing in Leah's living room watching her and dipshit Aaron Buckley join hands like a happy couple and smiling at each other. That was disgusting. She wasn't supposed to be with him. I was the right guy for her not Aaron. Why couldn't she see that?

-Jake, I said Seth's out. Go home. – Leah demanded shooting me an intensive glare.

I passed through them and tried to kill Aaron with my eyes. It didn't work though. I was severely pissed off so when I left the house I phased in the woods and went straight to the Cullens. I needed to release some of my frustration on someone or something…whatever. Edward would do just fine.

-Hi Jacob. What's up this time? – Edward was in the garden probably waiting for Bella and Nessie.

_She didn't believe it was a true kiss. She thought it was__ a bet between me and the others. Can you believe that? _

-I think you should phase back so we can talk more properly.

_No way. Bella__ would freak. _

-Jacob…Nessie is here. I don't want you near her unless you're in human form.

He had a point. I wasn't in my rightful state and Nessie didn't know exactly what I was.

_Fine.__ Just get me a pair of shorts. _

Edward went inside the house for a couple of seconds and got me some clothes, which probably belonged to Emmett. The stench was horrible but I'd live.

-She doesn't believe me. I think I misinterpreted her feelings. She only sees me as a friend and right now she's probably reconsidering our friendship.

-So you're giving up.

Those words hit me hard. Not too long ago I gave up Bella. She loved me but she also loved Edward. One of us would have to back off. I sacrificed my happiness and her life to make her happy because I knew she couldn't live without the mind rapist leech. One way or another my life was always going back to that point: giving up. It sucked.

-You don't have to give up. – Edward said calmly.

-Look leech…I understand your reasons to encourage me but honestly this isn't meant to be.

Of course he'd want me to pursue a relationship with Leah. That would get me out of Nessie's life. Did he think I would like to be his son-in-law? If he did actually think that he was totally deluded.

-Why not? You and Leah have more in common than you think.

-She thinks I'm an immature kid. Besides look where this took me…I've been away from Ness and she's my true imprint. I've been so confused. Nothing makes sense anymore. I always have to prove myself to the girl I love.

-Stop whining. This is exactly why you lost Bella.

Oh he _did not_ say that. Son of a bitch. How dared he?

-I'm just stating the facts.

-Jacob! – Nessie came out running into my arms.

-Hi honey. How are you?

-Fine. Mummy and daddy are going to hunt. I'm staying with aunt Rosalie. She's going to teach me how to do an origami.

-Awesome.

-Do you want to stay with me? She can teach you too.

-I don't think she'd appreciate that.

Nessie looked at her parents and they both looked at the floor. Rosalie didn't like me and everyone knew that. We had made a sort of agreement when the Volturi were coming but as soon as they left the truces were over.

-Nessie, Jacob will come to visit you tomorrow, ok? – Bella suggested.

Nessie smiled happily and I gave her to Edward.

-What are you going to do Jacob? – he asked me.

-The right thing. – I answered kissing Nessie's forehead. – I'll see you tomorrow Ness.

I had decided to stay out of Leah's life. I did love her but she had suffered enough. It wasn't fair on any of us and I didn't want to mess up our fragile friendship. Sam was right I never had a chance. I was an imprinted wolf. I was everything she despised. So what if she answered my kiss back? That wasn't enough to make her love me.

My plan was simple. I was going to take her shoe back to the beach and from now on I would only think about Nessie.

xxxxxxxxxx

I tried to get rid of that stupid shoe but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Every time I went to the cliffs I ended up coming home with the shoe in my hand. How much of a moron was I? I had managed to give up on Bella and now I couldn't even put a shoe back in the ocean.

Two days had passed since I'd tried to speak to Leah about the kiss. Seth kept on calling me. He wanted us to hang around with Aaron and show him the rest of the Reservation. Aaron was not my favourite person this moment so I had politely declined.

-Jake! Are you home? – I heard Embry's voice and I managed to put Leah's shoe under my bed before he entered my room.

-You really need to learn how to knock. – I complained.

-What's wrong with you? – he asked surprised by my hostility.

-Nothing.

-Quil and Seth are outside. We're here to get you.

-What for?

-Leah's throwing a party at her house. Sue's going to have dinner with Charlie.

-A party? Is she leaving? – I asked nervously.

-No. Aaron was promoted and she's invited a lot of people. Namely Sam and Emily…you know what I mean right? You have to be there…just in case.

Right…because it was such a marvellous idea to put Leah's current boyfriend and Leah's ex-boyfriend in the same room with me. I was probably the one ending up killing both of them.

-Come on…get dressed. – Embry said before leaving.

I dragged myself out of bed and had a quick shower. Maybe I should stay at home watching tv and making my dad some company.

_What a loser!_ Said a small voice in the back of my head. _What are you afraid of?_

I wasn't afraid. I was…preoccupied. That's all. In order to stop hearing that stupid voice calling me a sissy, I ended up going and I took the shoe with me. I was going to leave it at the house. At least it wouldn't be lost.

When we got there the sun was almost down and Leah was sitting in the couch talking to Jared and Kim. She welcomed us and ordered Seth to get more drinks at the cellar. She was acting as if nothing had ever happened between us and I figured that was for the best.

I played a few games with Colin, Brady and Embry. Then Aaron came around and Quil challenged him for a rematch which he accepted. My eyes scanned the room for Leah and she was now trying to get some more glasses out of the closet only she wasn't tall enough. I helped her and she smiled at me briefly.

I spent a few more minutes watching her. She wasn't happy and I thought that the reason for that was Sam and Emily's presence. But a few seconds later, Leah walked over to Emily and asked if she was alright. Emily was shocked with that attitude but she reacted well enough. It was kind of weird watching them talking to each other without screaming. As for Sam he was standing against the wall watching Aaron with an angry glare.

Quil lost against Aaron again and the dipshit walked over to Leah's side and grabbed her waist while she was still preparing a drink for Emily.

-Can you get me one too? – he asked.

Sam tensed up and I growled. Then we glared at each other. It had become hard to breathe in there and I decided to go outside for a while. When I passed through Leah and Aaron I noticed she got his hands off her waist quickly. That was odd. I mean I knew the party had the purpose of showing Sam Uley that Leah Clearwater was completely happy with her new life and new boyfriend. But yet she didn't seem happy at all.

I decided to stay around and spent most of the night watching Leah's reactions to Aaron's. She was clearly avoiding him and that mere thought made my heart inflame with hope. Maybe they had a fight. Maybe she'd finally seen he wasn't the right guy for her.

I managed to act normally around her and the others. Sometimes her gaze met mine and I swear I could feel the sparks in her eyes going through my whole body. My thoughts were interrupted when a phone started to ring and I was too distracted to notice that it was mine.

-Answer the phone Jacob. It's probably your…goddaughter. – Leah's voice was cold and I looked at her trying to understand her body language. Was she jealous? She was sitting on the couch besides Seth and her eyes were still on me. I answered the phone and then I got up.

-I'm going to pick up Rachel and Paul.

-I can do that. I've got to take Emily home. – Sam offered and I took the offer immediately. To have a car ride with Paul wasn't my favourite hobby.

I sat down again and noticed the distance growing between Leah and Aaron. When he was playing with Seth and the others Leah would go to the kitchen. When he was in the kitchen she'd flee to the bathroom or the living room. When he touched her hand she'd quickly flinch and when he tried to kiss her she pretended to have something urgent to do. I didn't know what was going on between them but one thing I knew. This was my lead. My chance. I was going to take it.

When Leah went to the backyard to put the garbage out I followed her.

-Do you need a hand? – I offered.

-No. I'm fine.

-Are you avoiding Aaron?

-What? Look Jake I'm not in the mood.

-I'm just trying to understand what's going on in your head.

-Why do you care? This has nothing to do with you.

-I'm your alpha.

-That doesn't give you the right to interfere in my businesses with my boyfriend.

-Is he really your boyfriend? Because you sure don't act like his girlfriend. If you're having doubts you should tell him…

-Doubts?

-Yeah. Doubts.

I took a few steps forward and she stepped back. I could feel her heart beating faster and there was no doubt that she was nervous to be alone with me.

-Leah… - I reached her easily and hold her in silence for a while. – It wasn't a bet.

-What?

-It was real. It _is_ real. If only you'd let me show you how much I care for you. If only you'd give me some time.

-Time for what? You have an imprint Jacob.

-I'm not in love with her.

-You can't be serious. She's your soul mate.

-Please Leah…give me a chance to prove that I'm better than him.

-Aaron's my boyfriend Jacob. And you're not making any sense. Let me go.

-I wasn't talking about Aaron.

Leah stopped moving in my arms and looked me in the eyes.

-If you give me a chance, I'll promise I won't leave you like he did.

-You're out of your mind.

-I don't believe you don't feel anything for me. I know you feel it too. Don't deny me Leah.

-Why are you doing this to me? What do you want Jacob?

-I want you.

I put her shoe in her hands and then I brushed my lips on hers. Just like our first kiss, she was frozen for a brief moment but then she responded. That's all it took for me to want more. More access, more warmth, more Leah. I pressed my body to hers and the next second we were on fire. But as soon as it started it was over because I was suddenly pushed over by two strong arms that hold me against the wall.

-Sam! – Leah yelled. – Let him go!

-You're getting on my nerves, Black. – he hissed at me.

-The feeling is mutual, Uley. – I retorted grabbing his wrist from the hand that was closed around my neck.

-Stay away from her. She doesn't need you. She doesn't want you and she's finally healed. Don't ruin this for her.

-Sam…calm down. It's fine. Let Jacob go. This won't happen again. – Leah tried to reason with him and a few moments later his grip softened and I managed to free myself.

-Stay away from her. – Sam repeated.

-No.

-What did you say? – he took a step in my direction and I saw his gaze clouded with fury.

-No, Sam. – Leah put herself between us but at this point it was useless. I wasn't backing off and he was already trembling.

-I said I'm not going to stay away from her. I said I'm not going to leave her like you did. Got that, Uley?

-Jacob! Go inside now! – Leah yelled at me. – Stop being an idiot!

Sam and I were on the verge of phasing right next to her. It was dangerous. Fortunately Seth and the others arrived and got me away from Sam. Quil and Embry took me to the car and Rachel followed us. She prevented Paul from coming with us.

-You take Sam back to Emily. – I heard her say.

-What's going on? – I recognised Aaron's voice amongst the others. He was probably lost in all that mess.

-Sam and Jacob have some issues. It'll go away. – Kim said.

Seth and Leah came to the front porch while I was being dragged by Quil and Embry.

-Get in the car Jake. – Embry demanded.

-Leah…I meant everything I said. – I blurted before getting in the car. – If you could only think about…

-Stop bargaining Jake. It's useless. Nothing is going to happen. - she looked away and Seth was surprised by those words. I heard him asking his sister what had happened but she didn't answer which probably made Seth more suspicious about the whole situation.

I looked back when Embry started the car. Sam was also leaving with Paul and Jared. Leah was still on the porch and Aaron was right beside her. His arms were around her shoulders but he wasn't getting any emotion from her because her eyes were focused on me.

-Are you ok babe? – he asked.

-Fine. Just leave me alone for a while. – she got his arms away from her and went inside alone. The night hadn't turned out exactly like it was supposed to but I was winning. Leah didn't want Aaron around her anymore which meant my kiss had the same effect on her that it had on me. I just needed a little time to show her that we could be together.


	4. Fourth Stage Depression

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I want to thank everyone who read this so far and the people who reviewed. Your words are highly appreciated. oOFLAM3SOo, xXMikkaXx, Jo Harv., Jacobleah, brankel1, LM3795, honeygirl25, deviocity, Kei Kat Jones, Kcrane, ShadowCub, wolfie96, milets, furrshizzles, deandrialanay and sentinel10 thank you very much for your support.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**Fourth Stage –**__** Depression**_

The next day all of the Reservation knew about my little fight with Sam Uley. Rumours travel fast and I was suddenly the bad guy. Even my father lectured me about responsibilities and shit like that. I ended up having lunch at Embry's house. My friends were coping really well though. They hadn't accused me of being an asshole or ruining Leah's party. To make up to them I volunteered to patrol at night alone for the rest of the week.

Late in the afternoon Seth came to see me when I was with Quil and Embry in my garage. He was the only one who hadn't understood my actions last night. Actually he was suspicious and wanted to know the truth.

-Is this about my sister? – he insisted for the second time.

I tried to divert his attention in another way but Seth wasn't a kid anymore, plus he was a Clearwater. And he knew me better than that. After all I was his idol. He had followed me when I broke my bonds with Sam's pack. He was one of my closest friends.

-Yes. It's about her. – I confessed.

-I don't get it. Why can't you leave her alone? Let her deal with her own problems. It's her life!

-That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Sam still thinks he owns her. He wants to control her life. – I stated. It wasn't totally a lie.

-Yeah. Jake's not doing anything wrong Seth. – Quil backed me up. – Leah deserves to be happy with Aaron and Sam's trying to interfere.

-Ok…I get it. But please next time just let her deal with things. Aaron thought you were arguing because you have feelings for her. – Seth laughed a bit.

-That's the most stupid thing I heard. – I said trying to act normally.

-That's what Leah said.

-She did?

-Yeah. And then she told Aaron to go back to Seattle and wait for her there. They're not on good terms right now. Fortunately he decided to do what she suggested and is going back to Seattle tomorrow to sign his new contract.

He was leaving. Great. Finally a good thing had happened after all the mess Sam and I caused at the party.

-Leah's staying? – I asked trying not to sound too interested.

-Yeah. She's staying until next week.

I smiled. She was staying. That had to mean something.

A few hours later I patrolled all of La Push's area alone like I promised. It was good to be alone for a while. I had a lot in my mind. Things were getting complicated and maybe I should go talk to Edward about what had happened. Wait a minute…I couldn't believe I was actually thinking about going to confide in Edward Cullen again. Since when was I Edward's best friend for life? That was fucking disturbing. But he was also the only other person…vampire…whatever, who knew about my almost love-relationship with Leah Clearwater.

If this was going anywhere I should probably tell other people. Bella deserved to know and so did Nessie although she would probably just be happy for me. After all she was just a child. My dad was on the list as well. Actually I was surprised that he hadn't noticed yet. My father was always the first to know when something was wrong with me. And finally there was Seth.

Seth was a problem. A huge one. Bella would be angry at first but since Nessie would not be hurt at all, she would forget everything and move on besides Jasper could help calming her down. But Seth was a whole different story. He had been the one picking up the pieces when Sam left Leah. He had experienced his sister's suffering for a long time before she could smile and laugh again. And now I was threatening all that. I was sure that even if I was his friend and his alpha he would never forgive me if I hurt Leah like Sam did.

I would have to decide what to do about Seth quickly because I wanted to talk to Leah as soon as Aaron left La Push the next day. She'd have to listen to me. I was prepared to beg her for a chance if I had to. I didn't care about our age difference, I didn't care if she had a boyfriend and I had an imprint, I didn't care about Sam or Bella. I had to make her see that she was the one. She was the one I loved. I was just scared that it wasn't enough.

xxxxxxxxxx

I woke up early in the morning. I couldn't stop thinking that Aaron's absence was the perfect chance for me to talk to Leah and make her realise she was also in love with me. I knew Seth was on patrol and my father would never notice I was gone. Rachel was probably with Paul and I could go to the Clearwater's house undetected.

I was about to leave my room when Leah called me. I was surprised to hear her over the phone. She said we needed to talk and wanted me to meet her at her house as soon as possible. I didn't even put a shirt on although it was raining outside. Leah had her window opened so I jumped and got inside her room.

I entered quietly and she was waiting for me sitting on her bed wearing a tiny nightdress. I couldn't help to scan her whole body. My skin heated up although I had seen her naked countless of times before.

-You came… - she whispered getting up slowly.

-Yes, well you said you wanted to talk to me. – I was feeling shivers through all of my body because she was now standing right in from of me. Why did that nightdress have to be so short?

-My mum is having breakfast with Charlie and my brother is out.

What was she implying?

-Did you hear me Jake? We're all alone.

-I heard you. Why did you call me Leah?

She didn't answer the question she just pressed her lips to mine and I answered back immediately. I couldn't stop myself when she was the one who had started it. I pushed her over to the bed and her hands started to climb up my back. My brain was slowly shutting down. I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care about Nessie or Aaron. I wanted her too much. But suddenly I felt an odd smell in her. It was alcohol. She'd been drinking.

I stopped kissing her and looked her in the eyes.

-Are you drunk?

-Does it matter? – she asked kissing my cheek.

-Yes. It does.

I pulled away from her and I sat on the bed with my arms crossed.

-I can give you what you want Jacob. – she said seductively.

-And what's that Leah? – I shot back.

-Me.

I did want her. Her body was calling for me. Every time I looked at her there was a voice in my head yelling at me to take her, make her mine. But it wasn't enough. I wasn't going to make that mistake. I wanted all of her and not just her body.

-I'm not going to have sex with you. – I stated. She was shocked with my words. Damn even _I _was shocked with my words.

-Why not? I thought you wanted me…you told me you wanted me.

-I know.

-What changed?

-Nothing changed. I just don't want things to happen this way.

-Why not?

-Because it's wrong.

-Wrong? Jacob you want me. I'm just trying to please you…

-I don't want you this way. I'm not going to take advantage of you.

-Jacob…all this tension between us…we can end it right now. Just take me. – she insisted. I had to control myself not to jump her. She was looking so sexy in that stupid nightdress.

-All this tension Leah…it's not just sexual. It's more than that. I'm not going to take you while you're drunk.

-This is just lust Jacob. I don't know if it's because we're wolves or because we got too close as friends. But it's just physical attraction. You're attracted to me because Nessie's just a child. You're lonely and you're tired of waiting for her to grow up.

-That's not true!

-It is. And I'm just going to help you with that. I'll let you have what you need and then you can just forget about me.

-Are you crazy? You're going to cheat on your asshole boyfriend because you feel sorry for me? Because you think I need to get laid? – now I was pissed off at her. She was an idiot. I loved her and she wanted us to sleep together because she thought that after that I would just go back to my imprint? What a bunch of crap.

Leah moved to my lap. Her legs were on each of my sides. I could feel her heat spreading and it was driving me insane. Then she grabbed her own nightdress and pulled it off of her revealing her black and pink underwear. I didn't know what took me from flipping her over and take her right there. But I managed to stop myself.

-You're my alpha Jacob. It's my job to support you. I'm not cheating on Aaron. I'm helping my alpha.

So that was the great excuse she had made up to betray Aaron without feeling guilty? Of course the blames would go to me since I was the alpha with physical needs.

-I can't do this Leah. I also thought this was lust at first, but it's not and if you think that way then you're lying to yourself. I love you.

Her eyes met mine and my hands grabbed her waist. I didn't want her to run away from me now that I was finally showing my true feelings.

-You don't love me. You love _her_. Nessie. – she paused. – I'm just a distraction. I know you're thinking about her right now. You're debating if you can really do this. If it's right to take me when it's her you love. You're the one lying to yourself.

-No, I'm not. You're right. I love Nessie. She's my imprint. But I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with you.

-You can't Jacob. I'm a useless bitch, remember? I'm barren, I'm bitter and I'm a lost cause. How can someone like you love me?

I heard pain in her voice and I realised that her heart was broken all over again. But that meant she loved me too.

-You're in love with me. – I stated with a huge grin on my face. Her heartbeat fastened and she released my neck, ready to walk out on me. But this time I wouldn't allow it. I pushed her down and flipped us over, trapping her under my weight.

-Jacob… - she moaned.

-I've been in hell since the day I saw you coming out of your car when you returned. I just didn't read the signs. But I've known for a long time that I only want you.

-No…that's impossible. You imprinted on Nessie. She's your soul mate. Not me.

-I'm not him. And my imprint is different. I feel connected to her but not on a romantic level.

-Because she's not old enough yet. She'll be soon and you're going to realise that you just needed me to comfort you at night. That's all I am to you.

-You're wrong this time Clearwater. I love you more than you can imagine. If this was just lust or a wolf thing I would've made you mine a long time ago. But I didn't. I need you to want me the same way I want you. I'm not going to use you Leah.

-This is wrong Jacob…in so many levels…

-No, it's not. It makes sense…we make sense.

-We can't…

I pressed myself against her body and kissed her deeply. She tried to resist but she failed miserably because she wanted me too. I could feel it in my bones. I could hardly think about anything else but her right now. She was everywhere. Her body fit perfectly under mine and that was making my skin ache. She was beautiful and amazing. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I was intoxicated with her smell and her taste. Fortunately the smell of booze was gone which meant she wasn't under the alcohol effects anymore.

-If this is really going to happen I want you to know something. – I said with my breath altered. She looked me straight in the eyes. – I will give you a choice. You can either make love to me or you can pretend you don't love me and send me home. What do you want Leah?

I saw tears forming in her eyes but she didn't cry. She studied my face searching for something that would show her I was using her but she didn't find it. I was being honest.

I was trying to show her that I was sure about this. About us. And I was trying to prove her that I wanted more than a physical contact. And most of all I wanted her to know that she had a choice.

She bit her lower lip and pulled my body to hers, closing the gap between us. Then our lips touched and we shared our first true kiss. I felt passion, love and care all at once and I knew she could feel it too. Her body relaxed underneath mine and I suddenly realised what was about to happen. I had never done this before. What if I wasn't good enough for her?

-Leah? Are you home? – we heard Seth yell downstairs.

That wasn't the right moment to be in his sister's bed. I knew it and Leah knew it but it was hard to ignore what was happening between us. I kept on kissing her hungrily and she kept on whispering my name. If Seth caught us I was a dead man.

Against my will I broke our kiss and fought the urge to continue what we had started.

-I have to go. – I kissed her forehead and jumped out of the window as fast as I could. I had to get out of there fast. Seth would probably smell me in Leah's room and that would make him come to find me unless Leah would lie to him. I managed to get home in a record time unfortunately Seth was young but he wasn't stupid. So a few minutes later I watched him phase back near the tree line in my backyard and Leah was right next to him. If she was there I was in deep shit.

-Jacob! – Seth yelled.

I went outside to confront the younger Clearwater and found a very angry Seth with a very confused Leah by his side.

-What are you hiding from us? – Seth asked me.

-What are you talking about Seth? – I retorted.

-I ran into Sam when I was on patrol. He told me you've been hiding things from us. From your own pack! He told me it's also about my sister.

-Seth. I have nothing to hide.

What a big fat lie. I didn't like to lie to my friends but this was unavoidable. Seth would freak out if I told him the truth.

-You've been acting weird lately. You don't visit Nessie that much anymore and you were in my house a few minutes ago. With my sister. I want to know why…

I was inclined to tell him everything. Seth didn't deserve to be treated like a child. He was almost seventeen years old.

-Jacob is telling the truth. There's nothing going on. He's just trying to help me out since Sam thinks he can own my life. – Leah tried.

-No…this is more than that. I'm not blind Leah. Phase Jacob.

-What? – I asked shocked.

-Phase so I can see what you're not telling me.

-Are you threatening me? I'm your alpha Seth…you don't boss me around.

-I'll do whatever it takes to see my sister happy again. And she was happy until a few days ago.

He was getting close. I guess that sooner or later he would have to know the truth. Leah and I would be together and we couldn't hide away forever.

-Fine…I'll tell you. – Leah said meeting my eyes. Seth turned to her and waited for her to continue. – Jake didn't say anything because I asked him not to. I'm leaving Seth…I'm leaving La Push and I won't come back!

Seth was frozen and I couldn't believe what I heard. She was lying about asking me to keep a secret. But was she also lying about leaving La Push?

-Leah… - I mumbled without knowing what to say. After what happened in her bedroom I was almost positive that sooner or later we were going to stay together. We had almost made love. We would definitely do it if Seth hadn't arrived home that moment. How could she ignore that?

-Don't apologise Jacob. It was my fault. – she told me. Her eyes were on the grass and I couldn't help clenching my fists. Maybe this was a game to her or something. I was really loosing my mind right now.

-Lets go home Seth. – she pulled her brother but he didn't move.

-What do you mean you're leaving? – he asked.

-We'll talk when we get home.

-No. I want to know now. – he insisted.

-Aaron's moving to Maryland. He was promoted and he asked me to go with him. He even got us an apartment. His salary is going to allow me to go to the University.

-So you're saying you're going to live miles away from us? – Seth's voice faltered.

-Yes. I didn't want to tell you like this.

I wonder if she was going to tell me. And was she going to do it before or after we'd sleep together? I had lost Bella once and it had hurt like hell, but this time it was much worse. I felt like my heart was being pulled out of my chest. All I wanted was to grab her and force her to tell me that this was just a stupid joke.

-Have you told mum?

-No. Not yet.

Seth hugged Leah and then he apologised to me. I just nodded. I felt useless as I watched Leah turning around to go home.

-Sorry Jake. – she whispered.

My mind was blank for quite a long time. I tried to organise my thoughts but it was useless. I tried to move and I couldn't. I tried to make sense of anything that happened since last night and I failed.

So that's how it felt to be rejected? Well I guess now I knew exactly what Leah felt when Sam left her. I had felt it too when Bella picked Edward over me, but the situation was slightly different. I had realised now that my feelings for Bella hadn't been more than a normal infatuation. Leah was completely different.

-What are you doing standing there? – Paul asked. He was back from his patrol and was probably ready to clean my fridge.

-Leave me alone. – I spat. I was finally able to speak a coherent sentence. Then I just ignored Paul and his latest comment and I ran into the woods. I had been trying to stay away from the Cullens but I was too disturbed. I had to talk to Edward and Jasper's presence would probably be needed too.

Fortunately Edward, Carlisle and Jasper were the only Cullens in the mansion. Everyone else, including Nessie, had gone to Seattle shopping. Nessie's birthday was coming up.

-So you and Leah, huh? – Carlisle asked surprised. – I don't understand much of the wolves genetics and legends but weren't you supposed to have an unbreakable bond with Nessie?

-Yes. I don't know how this happened either.

-Maybe your condition as the alpha wolf allows you to fight the imprint? – Carlisle suggested.

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know anything about that. Plus I didn't care.

-I went to her house today and I thought she was going to accept that she is in love with me too. – I mumbled sitting down on the stairs.

-I see… - Edward looked at me with a sad glance. He was seeing exactly what happened between me and Leah because I kept replaying the moment our lips touched over and over in my head. – It looks like she does have feelings for you, but she's too scared to accept that. Sam hurt her too much in the past. You really need to talk to her alone.

That was his marvellous advice? Talk to her? He sounded like a broken record. Talk. Talk. Talk. I was done talking.

-I can't talk to her anymore. She made up her mind. He's going to pay her studies. She can start over away from this craziness. She can even stop phasing and maybe have a couple of kids.

-He's in pain… - Jasper said in a low voice.

-No shit asshole. – I spat. – Anyways I've got nothing to give her. I'm just a freak of nature.

I got up and I thought about what to do. Edward was sure that Leah had also feelings for me but I guess this wasn't enough. She needed more. She needed something I couldn't give her: a normal life and a promise that we'd stay together forever. I could try but the imprint bond would always be there and everyone knew that Leah Clearwater doesn't share. She would never be with me knowing that I could fall in love with Nessie in the future. I couldn't blame her.

-Try to focus Jacob. It's not over yet. – Edward said. – If you keep thinking that you're not good enough for her you'll feel depressed…You can't think that way. I always thought you were a fighter.

I appreciated those words even though Edward was a leech. But to be honest I was sick and tired of fighting. I was always the loser. I looked back to the three Cullens and left. Leaving them behind without a word wasn't polite but it wouldn't kill them either. I was tired mentally. I just wanted to go home and have some sleep.

xxxxxxxxxx

Depressed was an understatement but it could be applied to my current situation. After I lost Bella I had ran away all over to Canada. This time Canada wouldn't be far enough. My father had finally noticed something was going on and he did what he thought it was best for me. First he got Rachel to cheer me up but it didn't work. Then as if to put up with my sister wasn't bad enough he invited Paul as well.

I tried to focus on the positive aspects of whatever my life could have but I still felt depressed. I was going down a destructive path and I didn't care.

-Jake you need to get out and be with your friends. – my father told me. – It's been tree days since you're like this.

-Dad's right Jacob. Embry and Quil can't keep coming here…they eat all our food.

-That's Paul. – my father accused meeting Rachel's glare.

-The tv isn't going anywhere Jake. – Rachel said. – You can get out for a few hours and then you can come home to watch tv again. Plus you need to patrol.

-Just leave me alone Rachel. I don't need your help.

And it was true. I didn't need help. All I needed was a phone call from Sue or Seth telling me that Leah was finally gone and then I could go hang myself. I wasn't exactly sure but that probably wouldn't kill me, so it would be fine. I guess all I wanted was to be able to pretend that I could close my eyes and never wake up.

-Hey…look who's here. – my father said wheeling himself to the door.

Ok, I was depressed but I sure wasn't dead yet, so I knew perfectly that outside our door was a leech with Nessie. My suspicions were correct and Bella came along holding her daughter in her arms.

-I was wondering what was keeping you from going to visit your imprint. – Bella started. – I see you discovered the wonderful Weather Channel.

Rachel and my father laughed. So what if I liked the Weather Channel?

-Jacob…did I do anything wrong? You don't go visit anymore. – Nessie stated. I felt guilty. She was sad because of me.

-No, Ness…I'm just feeling a bit down lately. You're not doing anything wrong.

She gave me a smile and Bella asked Rachel to take Nessie to her bedroom because she wanted to talk to me.

-Spill Jake. Now. – she ordered.

-What do you want me to say Bella?

-What's going on? What's this all about?

-I'm tired of being the alpha. I want out of this shit. – unfortunately I couldn't tell her the truth. She would have a seizure and I didn't want her to worry about this besides everything would be over very soon.

-My daughter thought you didn't want to be her friend anymore.

-She's my imprint. I'll be her friend forever, don't worry.

-Ok…look Jake…I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest for old times sake. I'm asking you this as a friend not as a Cullen.

-Fine…shoot.

-Do you really love my daughter?

-Yes.

-Do you want to be a part of our family?

I hesitated.

-I want to be there for Nessie. Always. Is this enough for you?

-Yes, it is. I love you Jake and I want you to be happy.

-I know that Bella.

-If you're not happy with us…please just tell me, alright?

I nodded in agreement and I decided to keep quiet. As soon as Leah was gone I would have to focus on Nessie. I was trapped but one day maybe I would be happy with her.

-Can you stay with Nessie for a couple of hours? I want to go visit Charlie.

-Sure.

Nessie joined me watching tv and she acted like the little girl she was. She was excited about having piano lessons and she told me she was learning how to speak French and Spanish. I felt happy for her.

-Did you miss me that much, Ness? – I asked when Bella was arriving from Forks a few hours later.

-I like when you play with me. When I want to play and you're not around I miss you. But then I think about other things to do and I do it even without you. Sometimes I play with aunt Rosalie or aunt Alice. You're my friend Jacob. A good friend but I know you also have a life here in La Push. As long as you're ok I'll be happy.

I hugged her and I understood exactly what she was trying to say. She was trying to give me a way out of the imprint trap. I was the one who had to decide what to do. She had told me that she could live without me. The question was could I do the same? Could I live without her?

-Jake…Nessie's birthday party is going to be next Sunday. Make sure you go, ok? – Bella said when she was leaving. – And please invite your friends.

-Sure. Don't worry. I'll be there.

I waved Nessie goodbye and I realised that no matter what, I had to decide whether I'd stay depressed because I'd been rejected again or I'd try to win Leah back. I went to my bedroom to get some cleaned clothes and she was in my room. There was complete shock over my face but I managed to stay calm.

-What are you doing here? – I asked closing the door behind.

-Why are you home?

-Because I feel like it.

-You're not sick Jake. You need to leave the house and be with your pack.

-When were you going to tell me you were leaving to Maryland?

-I hadn't decided yet.

-I see…Then why did you decide that after…after we kissed?

-I need to start over Jake. I didn't want this to go this far. It's not right.

-You answered back Leah. You're in love with me.

-You don't understand. I can't be in love with you and you can't be in love with me, ok? You have a great future ahead. What you think you're feeling for me it will pass as soon as Nessie turns into a young woman. You're meant to be together and I never doubted that. She even has Bella's eyes…she's perfect for you.

-You're the one who doesn't understand Leah. I Love You. Not Nessie, not Bella…You.

-Stop saying that! You can't say shit like that! Do you know how hard it was for me to forget about Sam? To accept that Emily was better than me?

-Yes, I do. Bella chose a vampire over me. A dead person for crying out loud!

-If you know how it hurts then you can surely understand why I can't let myself be in love with you. I can't risk having my heart broken again. With Aaron I can be happy…one day. You'll be happy with Nessie and everything will be fine.

-If that's the case what are you doing here?

-I want to leave knowing that you're alright.

-So what happened between us was a mistake?

-Yes…It was…I was vulnerable and confused. I'm sorry I made things worse for you. But I promise you won't miss me that much, ok? Just remember the way I was before…a cold and heartless bitch. I don't deserve your love Jake.

-So this is it…

-You're a good friend Jacob and an awesome alpha. I just think it's time for you to choose another beta and be happy with Nessie.

Leah walked over to my bedroom window and smiled. I could swear she was about to cry but she was too proud to do it in front of me. How could I make her see? I didn't want her to go but she didn't want me.

-Nessie's birthday is this Sunday…are you coming? – I asked.

-I don't know…Maybe…

I reached her and grabbed her wrist before she could leave.

-You're making a mistake. I know you love me too. I'm ready to give up everything for you…please Leah think about it. You don't love Aaron.

-I'm sorry. – she kissed my cheek and left. I stayed near the window until her scent was completely gone. I knew she would never be happy with that lawyer. Leah was too wild and too independent to stay with a nerd like him. But she didn't want to listen to me even though she probably knew I was right.

Things had happened so fast. One day I was just happy to know that my beta was coming for a visit and the other I was completely in love with her. I had been trying to remember those times when she was the most horrible person in La Push but all I could remember was the happy and kind girl she was before Sam had left her. It wasn't her fault that the douchebag imprinted on her cousin; it wasn't her fault that Harry had a heart attack; it wasn't her fault that she had turned into a giant wolf. Fate was cruel to all of us and Leah's happiness was sacrificed for a greater good just like everyone else's. But she was confident enough to start over and she even turned into a better person. That was probably the moment I had realised she was exactly what I needed. She was beautiful in every meaning of the word. I fell in my bed and let the depression consume me. Leah would never be mine; we would never be together.


	5. Fifth Stage Acceptance

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I want to thank everyone who read this so far and the people who reviewed. Your words are highly appreciated. oOFLAM3SOo, xXMikkaXx, Jo Harv., Jacobleah, brankel1, LM3795, honeygirl25, deviocity, Kei Kat Jones, Kcrane, ShadowCub, wolfie96, milets, furrshizzles, deandrialanay, sentinel10 and tisha114 thank you very much for your support.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**Fifth Stage - Acceptance **_

It was Sunday. Nessie's birthday party. I wished there was a hole I could crawl inside and never come out. I had invited everyone Bella asked me to but I knew that the only person I wanted to see there wasn't going. She was too busy packing her bags to go meet her douche of a boyfriend.

I was jealous. And now I was feeling damn guilty because that was supposed to be my imprint's special day and I was thinking about Leah…again. She made it clear that she wanted Aaron. Not me. Aaron fucking douche. What the hell did he have more than me? I was totally more handsome and funny than him.

Damn it. I couldn't go to Nessie's party feeling all jealous and angry. Edward would kill me. He knew about my problems but Nessie was his daughter and he would do everything to make her happy. I know he wouldn't tolerate my erratic behaviour.

I went to the bathroom and showered. Then I changed clothes and put on some tennis shoes. I was quite presentable. When I walked in the living room Rachel and Paul were kissing and didn't even notice me. I clenched my fists and tried my best to ignore them. As I ate my breakfast I realised I would never be like that with Nessie. I didn't want that. I wanted to feel Leah's lips on mine, not Nessie's.

-Hey bro…Can I make you some company? – Paul's voice reached me. That was probably my lucky day because Paul was feeling generous and wanted to be my buddy. Great. I wasn't in the mood for his crap.

-Don't call me bro. I'm not your brother. – I reminded him.

-Touchy much, huh? – he mocked. – Just cool it Jake. I'm not the enemy, right?

-You're my sister's boyfriend, so yes…that makes you my enemy.

I was dying to rip of his head but I didn't move for the sake of my sister. Nevertheless I always thought she would be better off without Paul, so maybe I should do something about it. I thought for a while but then I realised Paul wasn't worth it.

-Where's Rachel? – I asked.

-Bathroom…So are you ready to see your girlfriend a year older?

I couldn't care less. Nessie was now two years old and she looked like she was six or seven but I didn't care about that. She was like a little sister to me.

-I have to go to the Cullens. – I left leaving Paul who frowned.

-Fine, go…be the anti-social you became…asshole.

I took the Rabbit and when I got there Nessie was on the porch with Blondie and her husband. She came to me for a hug and said she was happy to know that this time she was going to have a proper party with guests. Last year we were all too stressed out to throw a party for her.

The vampires had everything ready and soon people started to come over. Seth, Sue and Charlie arrived sooner than expected. Although Sue didn't like Nessie much she bought her a present. Nessie was delighted when she unwrapped the doll Sue got her. After all she was just a child and it was easy to please her.

An hour later Embry, Quil, Claire, Paul, Rachel and Billy arrived too. Edward and Bella were pleased to see their daughter so happy. Nessie soon made friends with Claire and Quil started to play with them. He was a natural. Maybe there was a reason why he had imprinted on Claire.

I went to the kitchen to get more drinks when her smell hit me. Leah was there, at the door. When Esme opened the door everyone looked shocked to see her but Bella pulled her inside by the hand and took her to see Nessie.

Aaron was just behind them and that made my blood boil. What the hell was he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in Seattle or Maryland or fucking Iraq or something? I was so sick of his face. Why did he come back?

-He's Leah's boyfriend remember? – Edward asked standing right beside me. – Please don't ruin Nessie's party by attacking the poor guy.

-Chill leech…that didn't even cross my mind. I'm over it, ok?

I was clearly lying and he knew that. But what was he expecting me to do? I was hurt and I had to release my frustration.

-He's a good guy. – Edward pointed out. – He'll treat her right.

That didn't make me feel better. Not a tiny bit. How could I be happy knowing that the dipshit would get to be with the woman I loved?

-She's in love with me. – I stated proudly, trying to feel at least some sort of a victorious feeling.

-I know. She thinks Aaron is a good boyfriend but she does have feelings for you.

I smiled. I knew that already. She had tried to deny it but the way she looked at me every time our eyes met told me otherwise. She was in love with me but I had stopped fighting and now she was with him.

I watched Leah talk to Alice, Rosalie, Esme and Bella. She smiled frequently. Aaron was always by her side and she avoided me the whole time. I tried to get close but she never gave me a chance to talk to her. I didn't know what to tell her but I wanted to speak to her as soon as possible. I decided I wanted a last chance to make her change her mind. I would tell her that I would never have romantic feelings for Nessie. My train of thought was interrupted when I heard Sue's voice. She was talking to her daughter.

-You're leaving? Now? - she sounded disappointed.

-Aaron needs to be in Maryland tomorrow.

So that was the reason she had called dipshit to come to La Push again. She needed a safe way out. She knew I couldn't react in front of him.

-Really? That's too bad. - Sue said.

I didn't hear anything else Sue was saying. My mind was blank for a few moments. The douche was finally taking Leah away from me. She was going to live thousands of miles away from us. Maryland was on the other side of the country.

-Where do you think you're going Jacob? – Edward asked when I moved forward.

-I…can't let her leave again…

-She chose him. Respect that.

-Would you respect Bella's decision if she had chosen me?

-Yes.

Damn it. I forgot he was so damn righteous. Stupid leech.

-Well you're an idiot. No wonder you only had sex at the age of hundred years and something…

He crossed his arms and shook his head, criticising my words.

Leah was still talking to her mother but she was looking at me. She was watching my reaction. Then she took Aaron's hand in hers and walked away. She stopped in front of Nessie who was in Bella's arms and I managed to pass through Edward.

I was right behind Bella when Leah took Nessie's hands and wished her a happy birthday.

-I heard you're leaving… - Bella's voice made me twitch.

-Yes. I'm moving to Maryland with my boyfriend.

Those words were directed at me. I looked at her but she didn't seem affected. Aaron on the other side was almost pissing himself after my glare.

-I hope you're happy, Leah. You deserve it. – Bella was being sincere.

-Thanks. And I hope you and your family take care of each other. – Leah said with a small smile.

-Aren't you going to say goodbye to Jacob? – Nessie asked. My heart was suddenly in my mouth and I noticed Leah was not comfortable with that either.

I stepped forward and we were now face to face.

-I wish you and Nessie are happy together. All I want is to see you safe and well. – her voice was low and I knew Aaron didn't listen to any word she had just said.

-Why are you leaving? – I asked in a whisper.

-You know why.

-I don't. I thought I meant something…

-I can't stay. You're hers. – Leah's eyes were on Nessie's face. – I'm just a diversion. I'm sorry Jacob. I never meant this to happen.

-Don't leave. – I begged.

-Nessie…you take good care of Jacob for me, ok? – Leah's voice turned to normal. – Make sure he doesn't get into trouble. You're a very lucky girl…

Leah pulled Aaron with her and left. It took all my strength to stay at the Cullens and not rush after her. My heart was being ripped and I felt numb. She was gone…for good.

xxxxxxxxxx

I was _so_ getting drunk tonight. Thank the spirits my dad was at Charlie's and Rachel was somewhere with stupid Paul. I had left Nessie's party a few hours ago and all I wanted was some peace and quiet.

I had the house to myself and to my new best friends. I knew we couldn't get drunk that easily but that was exactly why I had bought more than just a few packs of beer. I was going to drink until I got into a coma.

That was exactly what I needed. I was sick and tired of my miserable and pathetic life. I had no future. I was trapped in a sixteen-year-old body, Bella had rejected me, I had become a giant wolf, I was supposed to be a protector, a responsible alpha and the next tribe leader, I had imprinted on a child and I was madly in love with Leah Clearwater…that was fucking hilarious.

My life was so fucked up I could only laugh. I should've never fallen in love with Bella Swan in the first place. That was my first mistake. I was perfectly happy before I was sucked in into her life. Because of her and her loving leeches I had become a wolf. Why did I love Bella anyways? She was just a girl. She was a very annoying girl in the matter of fact. At that time though I thought she was the one and if Edward hadn't come back from Italy I would probably be with Bella right now. For some reason that didn't make me feel any better.

Destiny was one hell of a bitch. At least my destiny was. I was totally screwed up. I was happy when I imprinted. I mean I was alpha for crying out loud. I was the better wolf and I sure needed to pass on my genes. But I never enjoyed the concept. Imprinting meant losing all my will power. I wouldn't be able to choose who I wanted to love and that was wrong. I loved Bella with all my heart and suddenly all the feelings I held for her were gone the moment I saw Nessie.

Basically I hit fucking jackpot. I couldn't have Bella so Destiny gave me her daughter instead. Now that I think about it, it's kind of weird. I would never choose to be soul mates with Bella and Edward's child. I'd rather imprint on a damn tree. But it happened and it was powerful. I felt strangely connected to that beautiful baby and I knew immediately what I had to do. All my confused thoughts were erased and I put my effort only in protecting her. She was my world and I couldn't let anything bad happen to her as long as I lived. The imprint gave me a goal, something to achieve but after a while it also made me realise something important. To imprint on someone doesn't take away all your feelings. You can still feel friendship and love for other people. Sam still loves Leah, although he's Emily's husband. And Quil told me he can choose to date other girls because he's not in love with Claire yet. It also doesn't make the pain go away.

I never wanted to be a zombie imprinted fool and yet that was exactly what I became after Nessie was born. Until now. Because now I know I don't want her to be my lover. I want Leah Clearwater.

Take that Destiny Bitch! I can fight the imprint pull. For her. And yet she's leaving with a douche son of a bitch lawyer. I'm probably the most unfortunate guy on Earth. I live in a Reservation crowed with hot girls. I have the looks and charms and I'm sure I can make a girl happy. Bella loved me once, right? So why the hell did I have to fall in love with Leah Clearwater? Why?

She's…out of limits. She always was. She was Sam's girl at first. Fucking Sam. I hate the guy so much. Why did he have to imprint on Emily leaving Leah broken and lonely? I would never do that. She was also Seth's sister. The guy was one of my best friends. And we could share our thoughts. Creepy much, huh?

And there's also the fact that she's a wolf too. Those were some awkward moments. I remember we were all scared like hell when she morphed. From all of the girls it had to be her to morph into a wolf like the rest of us. And she was a bitch. Literally. I put up with a lot of shit from her because I was in love with Bella. She was ruthless. The only wolf that was safe from her twisted thoughts was Seth. Lucky bastard.

There were some benefits about having a girl in the pack. We could watch her naked all the time. She didn't appreciate it much but that was nothing she could do about it unless she could blind us. Besides she had a clear view to all of our bodies too.

I looked at her body more than I should have, but at the time I wasn't in love with her, so it didn't mean much. For the record, right now I really wanted to see her naked in my arms, preferably. But I didn't love her just because she had a great body or because she was tall, slim and gorgeous. I fell for her because she was honest, strong minded, stubborn, intimidating, interesting and genuine. I loved everything about her and I had no clue when I had started to love her like this.

Would I have fallen in love with her if Bella had died in labour? Would I love Leah even if Nessie wasn't born? I didn't know. What I did know was that some shithead had my girl right now and he was going to take her away from me. What I did know was that I was totally in love with a girl who wasn't my imprint. I was in love with a girl who had her share of pain and suffering. She had lost too much already. Harry, Sam, her freedom, her chance to be a mother. She was never going to choose me. I would be a constant reminder of what she'd lost.

That was why she was with dipshit Aaron, who didn't know the true Leah, who didn't deserve her at all. I was so tempted to kill the bastard. If I killed him would Leah cover up the murder for me? I was almost eighteen so I would be arrested and charged with murder and I would probably get a life sentence. Or I could phase and kill him and then I could say he was attacked by a wolf. That was a good plan.

-Hey, Jake…what the hell are you doing son?

I heard a distant voice and tried to look up but I was too tired or too drunk. I only knew my head was hurting from all the thinking.

-Jake? Are you ok?

-Yep. Fine.

I think it was my dad but I wasn't sure.

-Are you drinking?

-Hell yes.

-Why? – I sensed disappointment and worrying in his voice. It was definitely my father.

-Chill dad. I only took nine beers. That's not enough for me to get drunk. Unfortunately.

-Nine? More like thirty-nine Jake. It's almost three in the morning…why don't you go to bed?

-I thought I was in bed… - I tried to look around but I didn't recognise where I was.

-You're in the kitchen floor son.

-That's awesome, dad. It means I'm close.

-Close to what?

-To get into a fucking coma. I wonder if she's going to care…

-What is wrong with you boy? What the hell happened?

-That's a good question dad…You see it all happened when I met Bella and then…

-Jake…I thought you were over Bella. You imprinted on Nessie…

-And that makes it all good, right? I imprinted on a half-vampire half-human child and that's it! I'll be happy forever! Someone out there must have a fucking twisted sense of humour.

-Nessie is your world Jake.

-Nessie's just a kid. She's like my little sister. I love her but I will never fall in love with her. It doesn't make sense. This imprint thing is not what I thought…it's not working for me dad. I feel guilty to feel this way…but I don't want Ness. I want her to be happy and safe but I will never love her…

-She's just too young. She'll grow up and you'll love her.

-I won't.

-You will. I know it's weird but she's your soul mate.

-I don't want her to be my soul mate! I want Leah!

Did I just say that out loud? Oh shit.

-What?

-What? – I repeated trying to control the damages.

-You said you want Leah.

-I did?

-Yes.

-Oh…I…I'm really drunk…

-Is this the motive you're drinking at three in the morning on the kitchen floor? You think you're in love with Leah Clearwater?

-Am I going to be grounded if I say yes?

-Jake…you're not in love with her.

-Oh but I am.

-You can't be. The imprint doesn't allow it. There's no exception Jacob…

-She's the only female wolf in History. Don't give that shit. There's always an exception.

I got him on this one! I'm right and he's wrong!

-She's not the one for you son. She can't have kids.

-I don't need kids. I need her. Besides we can adopt.

-For crying out loud Jacob! She has a boyfriend and she's trying to move on with her life.

Son of a bitch. The old man knew how to play dirty.

-Aaron is going to be history soon.

-She's breaking up with him?

-Nope. I'm going to kill him.

I was serious. As serious as stupid seventeen year old drunken werewolf could be.

-Get up and go to bed Jacob. We'll talk more in the morning. Just try to rest and forget about Leah.

-She loves me too. – I confessed. I had to talk to someone or I would go insane.

I almost thought my father had stopped breathing.

-She…told you that? – he asked.

I got up slowly and realised my father was right. There were much more than nine cans of beer on the floor.

-Not in those words but she feels the same. I can't let her go. I love her too much.

-Jacob…you shouldn't have gotten this close to her. You're going to hurt each other.

-I can't help it.

-You need to forget about her. She's with someone else and you have Nessie.

-That sums things up quite nicely. Thanks dad. – I was being sarcastic but what else was he expecting me to say? I had told him my problems and he was just stating the fucking obvious. Of course I knew she was with that jerk. And I was clearly aware that I had an imprint too. But so what? Sam had imprinted on Emily and he still cared about Leah. Why couldn't I be the same?

The time I spent thinking and drinking and talking with my father was useless. I was still in love with Leah and I didn't know what to do about it. My time was running out. Shit I was feeling dizzy and I wanted to throw up.

xxxxxxxxxx

She was gone.

I had this major headache from my hangover but my heart was hurting even more. I was at the Clearwater's house with Seth and Sue. I just needed the confirmation that she was really gone.

Right now I didn't care even if I was run over by a train. Actually I _wanted_ to be run over by a train. That would make the pain go away.

-What's wrong Jake? – Seth asked.

-Nothing.

-You're acting weird. Almost as weird as my sister. She asked me to tell you that she's sorry…

-Ok…thanks Seth.

-What is this all about?

-Nothing Seth. Just let it go.

I needed to be alone. I turned my back on Seth and went straight to the woods hoping that no one else was phased. I couldn't deal with them inside my mind right now.

-Aren't you going to eat lunch with us? – Sue asked.

-No. I'm not hungry. Thanks Sue. – I waved and kept walking.

The forest was a nice place to sulk. It was quiet and it had started to rain, so it was really depressing. I was lying down on my wolf form for about two hours before the smell hit my nose. Leech. It's was becoming hard to have privacy around here each day.

_What do you want Edward?_

-You really hit the bottom, Jacob.

_Is that so? But this time you can relax. It's not you I'm angry at. _

-I know that. I can read your mind…You're angry at her…

_Just leave me alone. _

-I would but I'm here on a mission.

_I don't need your help. Unless you can bring her back. _

-I should've let Jasper come too. He did volunteer to come and get you…He's worried.

_Really__? Oh I love you guys so much. We should just make up a secret friendship's handshake. _

Edward rolled his eyes at my sarcasm.

-You could've stopped her. You could've alpha commanded her.

_That would be a brilliant idea because Leah loves to be told what to do. She would probably phase and rip my head off. _

-You love her that much, huh?

_I do. _

-Come with me.

_Where?_

-My house. My daughter wants to talk to you.

_I love Nessie but right now I really need to be alone._

-I think you should listen to what she has to say to you.

_Will you go away if I don't go?_

-No. I'll stay here until you come with me.

_Fine. __Let's go. _

I phased back and put on my shorts. I really wasn't in the mood to play with Nessie or even keep her company. I just wanted to curse my life and maybe drink some more.

-Thirty-nine beers, huh? – Edward asked.

Stupid mind reader.

-My life sucks because of you. If it wasn't for Ness I would've killed you a long time ago. – I said. I had to direct my anger at someone.

-You're really not in the mood.

-I fucking hate you so much leech. You and your family…

-I know.

When we walked inside Nessie came to meet us with a happy face. She was so carefree and a lot less clumsy than Bella.

-Stop thinking that about my wife.

I mentally insulted him and turned my attention to Nessie.

-So what's up Ness? What do you need me to do?

-Actually…I need you to be happy Jacob.

My face fell. Did Edward tell his daughter I was in love with someone else? Was he stupid?

-I didn't tell her. But I don't think she would care. She wants you to be happy. If you're happy with some other girl she'll accept it.

-Tell me Jake…if you had a choice, would you choose Nessie to be your imprint? – Bella asked with a serious look.

-You know I didn't want to imprint. But I do love Nessie. I love her like a sister. – I smiled to the little girl in my arms.

Bella smiled at us.

-Jacob, what would you do for me? – Nessie asked.

-I would do whatever you want me to Ness. Just ask.

-Would you let me go?

I was confused. What did she mean by that?

-Let you go? I don't understand.

-I have a theory about your imprint Jacob… - Edward confessed. – I spoke to Nessie and she told me she wants to go away. She wants to know other places, other people. Besides we can't stay here forever. When I asked her about you…she told me you would rather stay here because this is where your heart is.

I didn't have a clue of what was going on.

-My daughter needed you because you were the only one that could protect her from Sam's pack and then you managed to convince Sam to help us against the Volturi. She is attached to you but she's not meant to be with you.

-You mean we can break this imprint? – I asked.

-I don't know. The bond between you may never break but you'll only be what Nessie needs you to be. I truly doubt she'll want to be your girlfriend. You're from different species.

-You feel the same don't you Jacob? – Nessie asked.

-Yes. – I had finally said it. I had finally confessed to my imprint that I didn't want her that way.

Bella was the only one who looked sad and disappointed. Edward was relieved and Nessie didn't seem affected by what I had said. To her I was still her friend.

-I won't stop loving Ness, Bella. – I said. – I still want her to be happy and if she ever needs me I'll be there. I just fell in love with someone else.

-You did? With who?

I shouldn't have said that. Shit. She was going to have a seizure.

-Jacob is in love with Leah for a while mummy. – Nessie smiled and I realised she was trying to help me. No one could resist to her smile.

-Leah? Leah Clearwater? – Bella asked surprised.

Does she really know anyone else named Leah? Of course it was Leah Clearwater. My beta, my friend and possible girlfriend if that piece of shit called Aaron Buckley hadn't showed up in her life. Who the hell has a surname like that? It reminded me of a bucket or something.

-Yeah. That's the one…

-Why didn't you tell me? I'm your friend, right? – Bella whined.

God, Bella was dumb sometimes. It would be a great idea to confide my love for Leah with my imprint's mother, right? I could be an idiot sometimes but I wasn't suicidal.

-Does she love you? – Bella asked sounding quite interested.

I shrugged. I wanted to say yes. She'd kissed me and her body language told me she wanted to be with me, but Leah was unpredictable and she hadn't said the words yet.

-I believe she's also in love with Jacob. She's just confused and scared. – Edward answered for me.

-Oh…I wasn't seeing that one coming. I mean…Leah Clearwater…Wow.

-You really know how to choose them mutt. – Emmett said walking inside and taking Nessie from my arms. – How's my beautiful and favourite nice?

-I'm your only niece uncle Emmett. – Nessie stated.

-You sure are kid. Unless…she-wolf has Jacob's puppies. Then I'll have a bunch of nieces and nephews...or pets. Wouldn't that be great?

I looked at him and tried to stay calm. Emmett was an idiot. First of all Leah couldn't have children, second she was with her stupid boyfriend and third my love life wasn't for everyone to discuss, especially in front of a child.

-Leah can't have puppies uncle Emmett.

Bella and Edward focused their eyes on the floor.

-She's not a dog…She'll have babies.

-Actually Ness…she can't. – I said.

-Why not?

-Uh…because she can't. – that was the best I could do to try and not talk about women stuff like getting pregnant and other weird things I didn't want to know about.

-Lets go outside Nessie. Aunt Rose and aunt Alice are waiting for you. – Emmett took Nessie away but before they could leave the little girl turned around and smiled at me.

-You'll be happy with her Jacob, I know you will.

-She's gone Nessie. She left.

-And what are you doing here Jacob? – she asked amused. Edward and Bella looked at me intensely and suddenly I knew what I had to do. I had to get her back. Right now.

xxxxxxxxxx

I didn't have a fucking clue how I was going to get Leah back. I had spoken to Sue but she told me she didn't know where Leah was going to stay once they were in Maryland and she had her phone disconnected.

I was ready to quit when Alice came along with her husband and gave me an address. They'd done some research and found out that Aaron was born in Maryland and his parents still lived there. That was start. I would go to them and then I'd find Aaron and Leah. It had only been a week so I suppose it wasn't too late yet.

I wasn't going to tell my plans to anyone. I could explain everything once Leah and I came back. Together. I had the money, my passport and her address. My father was fishing with Charlie and I couldn't care less where Rachel was.

I was about to leave my room with my bag when I heard someone knock on the door. I knew who it was. Sam Uley. I got out to meet him and I knew instantly that he was aware of my plans.

-Billy told me. He wants you to reconsider. Why can't you just leave her alone?

-Because I love her.

-Then let her go Jake. She needs to stay away from here.

-No, she needs to be here. With her family. With me.

-She chose him. She had her reasons.

-She's just scared to admit her feelings. She's in love with me.

-So what? What can you give her? At least with Aaron she can have a normal and quiet life.

-But she doesn't love him. She'll be unhappy.

-Let her go Jacob. Don't hurt her like I did. I can't stand the idea of seeing her suffering again.

-You're just jealous because I managed to fight my imprint bond with Nessie. You're jealous because you can't have her and I can. I'm going to get her back Sam. I need her to be with me.

-An imprint bond doesn't break.

-Nessie is gone. She's going to Alaska as we speak and I'm perfectly fine. We'll be friends forever but I can live my life away from her. All I need is Leah.

-What?

-You need to focus on your life with Emily and leave Leah to me. You're going to be a father Sam. Just be a good husband and a good father. Stop worrying about Leah. She's my beta and I'll take care of her.

-You are fooling yourself if you think she'll come back with you. I mean take a good look at you. You're just a kid Jacob. You're a kid in a man's body. You're immature and irresponsible. She doesn't need someone like you…

And then my fist collided with his face. I couldn't stand him anymore. I wasn't going to listen that crap from him. Sam was a good opponent though. He was also strong and knew how to punch. I almost broke my hand the second time I hit him on the face. But he had managed to recover quickly and hit me too. I felt the blood from my eyebrow dropping into my face and neck and I launched myself at Sam again. He grabbed my fist and pushed me against the house wall. After a few seconds Jared and Paul arrived and we stopped fighting.

-Can't you two solve your problems like civilised people? – Jared asked. – This is getting annoying.

-If Rachel sees you bleeding like this she'll have a fit. Go clean yourself Jake. – Paul said pulling me inside.

-Come on Sam I'll get you home. – they were gone before I could call Sam a pretentious bastard.

-Leave me alone Paul…go see if your alpha is ok. – I told him.

-You know what Jacob, you're really stupid sometimes.

I looked at him fiercely. If he said something like that again I would punch him so hard he would go through the wall.

-I'm not going to care if Sam decides to kill you. It's obvious that you don't want any help.

-The only thing I want is for him to leave me alone. Tell him that, ok?

-Fine.

Paul threw his hands up in the air and left. I went to the fridge to get some ice and then I sat down on the couch. I cleaned the blood with a towel and then I heard the door open again.

-I'm fucking fine Paul…just go to Sam. Damn it. – I got up and my heart almost stopped when I saw Leah standing there looking at me.

-Hi… - she said nervously.

-Hi. What the hell…

-I forgot to take a few things…I came back to get them. Seth told me you're acting weird. I never thought you would go into fights with Sam…

-You forgot things? – I asked still surprised with her presence. Maybe I was hallucinating from the blood loss?

-Yes. – she placed her arms crossed in a defensive position when my eyes scanned all of her body.

-He's not that good, is he?

She looked at me fiercely.

-Don't start Jacob. Aaron's a nice guy. I was worried…that's all.

-Is it so bad to confess you missed me?

-I didn't miss you.

-Yes, you did.

-There's nothing between us Jacob.

-Because you're too scared to admit it and because your brother interrupted us.

-I was confused and a bit drunk. You're not my type. You're too young and we're just friends. Got that?

-Are you really going to play the age card with me? Fuck Leah…I'm on my own since I was thirteen years old. I had to take care of my father alone since my sisters decided they deserved to have a nice future away from this Reservation. I wasn't important enough to them…I wasn't important enough to Bella…I took the alpha position to protect everyone and yet you tell me I'm too young for you? Are you kidding me?

She turned around and went to the kitchen. I followed her. This was far from over. I could see it in her eyes. She wanted to be with me. She just couldn't accept the fact that she had fallen in love with another wolf.

-I'm sorry Jacob…this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come.

-What? – was she joking? I was about to travel to Maryland to go after her. Now that she was actually here there was no way I was letting her leave again.

I grabbed her wrist, not allowing her to move towards the door.

-This is wrong. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. – she confessed.

-You're here because this is where you belong Leah. Not with what's-his-face lawyer.

She looked at me and I thought she was going to start yelling but she stood quiet.

-So…that's it? I belong here…so what? I can't be here. I can't!

-Just try. Sue and Seth would love to have you back.

-Why would I want to come back?

-Because you're meant to be with me. I don't want Renesmee. I want you.

She flinched when I pronounced Nessie's name like that. I wanted her to see that my imprint wasn't as important as she thought. It wasn't about romantic feelings.

-Nessie needed me. She needed me to protect her and Bella from Sam and from the Volturi. But she's never going to be more than that.

-She's your _imprint_, Jacob. – she said that word as if it was poison. – Sam was supposed to be with me and he left me with a broken heart…he married my own cousin. What makes you think you can fight back the urge to be with her when she's older?

-I'm not Sam…and she's not Emily. All the imprints are different. Mine wasn't about love. I do love Nessie but not the way I love you.

-How can you love me Jacob? You know what happened to me in the past. You know I'm not able to have children. You know I'm not worth it.

-I don't care about that Leah. I don't know why I fell in love with you. I just did.

She was strong and loyal and everything I needed. Couldn't she see that?

-I'm not a replacement. – she stated.

I tensed up. Was that what she thought about my feelings? That I was trying to replace Bella or Renesmee?

-I can't be with you. – she tried to free herself from my grip but I couldn't let her go. Not yet. I had to make her understand that she was the one for me and no one else. I only wanted her.

-I thought you were smarter than that, Clearwater. – I spat. There was only one way to make her stay longer. I had to provoke her.

-What did you say? – I felt the heat spreading over her body and I was a bit amused to see her angry. She looked hot.

-You're just a coward.

-I am not.

-Yes, you are. You're afraid to get hurt again. You're a weakling.

-I went through hell to forget about Sam! When I left La Push I had given up on love. I was sure that my fate was to be alone. But I started over! I met Aaron and I was perfectly happy before I came here to visit you guys!

-You weren't happy. You were fooling yourself…you thought you could be happy with lawyer boy because when you're with him you hide who you really are. But that's the problem Leah. You can't pretend anymore. You're one of us and you fell in love again…You fell in love with me and you're too scared to accept that.

-I was supposed to be with Aaron. I was supposed to go meet his family…I don't understand why this happened. You have an imprint and I wasn't supposed to love you…you're just…

Did she finally say she loved me?

-Do not call me a kid or I'll swear I'll make you shut up Clearwater. – I was no kid. Not anymore.

I released her wrist and looked her straight in the eyes. She was trying to pull herself together but I knew it wouldn't be easy. She finally understood that we were meant to be together and it sure was weird. If someone told me a couple of years ago that I would end up with Leah Clearwater, I would never believe it. She was older than me, she was in a relationship and she totally despised everyone who had imprinted, me including. Yet we were in love.

-I should go. – she said.

-Go where?

-Back to Maryland…

I fumed. I thought she'd realised by now that she wasn't suppose to be with douche Aaron.

-I'm not letting you go again Leah. – I stated stepping forward in her direction. She tried to move but I was faster and I embraced her.

-If I stay I'll want more. – she whispered. – Maybe we'll be happy for a while and then you'll feel tired of me and you'll want to see how she's doing…and when that happens she'll be full grown. You'll fall in love with her like you're supposed to and I'll be alone. I can't let that happen.

-But you don't love him, Leah. You love me…

-Yes, I do. But Aaron is a safe road. You're just a dead end.

It hurt when she said that. She didn't have faith in me.

-I let Nessie go. She's not in Forks anymore. I won't see her again if you ask me not to. Please Leah…give us a chance.

-If I go now, I'll save us a lot of suffering Jacob. I'll be able to forget about you and you'll be able to be with her…or whoever you want. You forgot about Bella before…it'll be easy to forget about me.

How could she say that? How could she _think_ that?

-You came back…that's got to count for something…

-You were right Jacob. I had to accept this so now I can move on. I love you but I can't be with you…you're meant for her. For Nessie.

She pushed me softly and I noticed the tears in her eyes. Bella never cried for me, not even when I was hurt during the new-born fight years ago. Not even when she told me that she was going to choose Edward. I couldn't stand to watch her cry. She didn't deserve to suffer more. Sam had done a good job in that department and now it was me who was hurting her. Could I really let her go to spare her? Could I really forget about her now that she had finally told me she loved me? I had let Nessie leave because I wanted to be with Leah and now she was begging me to let her go too. I couldn't do it. I wanted her too much.

-Are you really sure you don't want to try? I can make you happy…I know I can. – I said trying to convince her once again.

-I'm sorry Jacob…We can't…

I didn't let her finish the sentence. I knew what she would say. I just kissed her intensely as my hands cupped her face. I feared she'd push me off of her but she did no such thing. She grabbed my shirt and deepened the kiss, holding on to me as if we would never see each other again.

My brain shut down the instance I felt her body melting against mine. Suddenly the heat was unbearable and I had Leah pinned against the wall. My hands went down to her waist and I pulled her closer. I wanted her to feel passion and to surrender but I knew she wouldn't do that. She was too proud to submit even though her body was as hot as mine. She was enjoying the kiss as much as I was, but she would never admit it.

Then the kiss wasn't enough. I wanted more and she was not making it easier for me to control my damn hormones. Her arms were now around my neck and soon I felt her fingernails digging in my skin over my shirt. I never felt pain though; I was too concentrated trying to breathe while kissing her neck. I pulled one of her legs up to rest around my waist and she moaned my name.

I didn't want to let go. I needed more access to her body. My hands explored under her shirt and I was starting to feel her resistance crumbling down. If only I could make her see that this was meant to be. Us…together…making love…

-Leah… - I moaned. – I love you…

And those simple words made her stop kissing back. She looked into my eyes and I swear she was seeing right through my soul. Then she pushed me away slowly and we kept staring at each other. She was breathing heavily just like me.

-We can't. – she said. – I do love you Jacob Black, but sometimes this is not enough…sometimes we don't have what we really want…Goodbye.

And she was gone…again. The door closed and I knew I had lost Leah Clearwater forever.

I don't know how much time I was in the kitchen. I kept thinking that this was crazy. My life was crazy. I was in love with someone who was also in love with me and I was feeling miserable. Did that make any sense?

I was also missing Edward Cullen. Now let's just forget about that shall we? I was not missing the fucking mind rapist. No way. I was missing the companionship we had formed because he had always listened to my problems and tried to help. Now I had no one to talk to. Fuck I was turning gay.

So I was back at ground zero. I had nothing. What a sad loser. I remembered Nessie's words. _And what are you doing here Jacob?_

Damn it. The kid was right. I was the alpha wolf. I was Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater would not leave me like this.

I left home and I ran as fast as I could until I reached the Clearwater's house. Seth was in the living room watching tv.

-Is your sister here?

-Upstairs. – he said. – I'm glad you finally left your house.

-Don't hate me for this Seth but I'm really trying to protect you right now.

-What? – he asked confused.

-Go to Embry's and stay there until I call you. – I had given him an alpha command. I wasn't feeling proud but at least I could speak to Leah alone.

-I can't believe you did this. Asshole. – he complained. – I'm going to tell my mother and you're going to…

-Just go Seth. – I ordered.

Once he was gone I made sure Sue wasn't home and went straight to Leah's bedroom. She was on her bed crying silently. As soon as she saw me she cleaned her tears away and kept staring at me.

-What? You think I'd let you go just like that? – I asked.

-Jacob…I made my choice. – she said getting up.

-Well fuck you! You made the wrong choice!

-You can't talk to me like that you little shit!

-Little? – I laughed. – I'll show you little.

I reached her and cornered her against the wall. I could feel her heart beating fast and she was having troubles to breathe normally. I guess I had a strong effect on her.

-I know I'm being selfish. I know you would rather be away from La Push, but I also know that you belong here. I need you by my side. You're my beta and the one I love. And don't say otherwise because you'll be lying. I understand that you're afraid to be hurt again but I promise I'm different.

-I can't believe I fell for you…

I grinned. Maybe now she'd realise that I was right.

-You're an asshole. A leech lover…It's embarrassing.

-Well you're not all flowers and sunshine either Leah.

-That's exactly why I can't stay, you idiot! – she yelled hitting my chest.

I grabbed her writs and pushed her against the wall as hard as I could but trying not to hurt her.

-Shit…Leah just stop being so stubborn! Just accept that you love me and that you want to stay with me forever.

-I do! – she screamed. – I do! But you won't be with me forever you fucking asshole. You're asking me to break up with a great guy, to stay with you but in the end I won't have my happy ending because you imprinted on Bella's child. I hate you!

Her tears emerged again and I let her go.

-I'm sorry…I never meant to imprint. – I confessed.

-I know.

-Remember what Old Quil said about imprinting?

-What?

-We'll be what our imprint needs us to be. Nessie doesn't need me to be her boyfriend. She needs me to be her friend…her protector.

-That's now. What about in a few years?

-We're different species. Give me a chance Leah. Please. Let me show you how much I really love you.

I waited patiently for her answer.

-I'm probably the most stupid person on Earth. Why did I have to fall in love with you after what I went through with Sam?

-He didn't fight back like I did. Nessie's not coming back and I can show you we're meant to be together. I'll do whatever you want. I love you Leah. I love all about you. If you stay here with me you can be yourself…the true Leah Clearwater. You won't have to hide or make excuses for your high temperature…you can be my Leah. My heart is in your hands…Just make the right choice. Accept me…Accept us. What is it going to be?

xxxxxxxxxx

Next: Last Chapter – Recovery


	6. Recovery

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author/Note: I want to thank everyone who read this so far and the people who reviewed. Your words are highly appreciated. oOFLAM3SOo, xXMikkaXx, Jo Harv., Jacobleah, brankel1, LM3795, honeygirl25, deviocity, Kei Kat Jones, Kcrane, ShadowCub, wolfie96, milets, furrshizzles, deandrialanay, sentinel10 and tisha114 thank you very much for your support. I also thank the people who added this story to their favourites and alerts.

I know there are only five stages of grief but I felt the story would be incomplete without a final chapter. I hope you like it.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief by Jacob Black**

_**Recovery**_

-I'm sorry. – I whispered in her ear.

-What for? – she asked surprised.

-For how things turned out. I never meant to pressure you like this.

-Are you complaining Black? 'Cause I didn't hear you complain a few minutes ago.

I laughed and pulled her body closer to mine. I couldn't get enough of her warmth and her intoxicating smell.

-I'm not complaining. – I confessed kissing her shoulder.

-No regrets then?

-Nope. You?

-I can't believe you asked that.

-Sorry.

-Stop apologising you idiot.

I kissed her nose, her cheek and then her lips. She answered back fiercely just like a few moments ago when we were tangled on the white sheets waiting to regain our normal breathing.

-Aren't you going to ask me how it went? – she inquired pushing me back slowly.

-All that matters to me is that you came back. You're here.

She frowned pretending to be hurt by my lack of interest on her two days trip to Maryland.

-He wasn't surprised at all. He said he knew he'd lose me sooner or later. I felt bad for him. I should've told him sooner that I was having feelings for you. – Leah rested her head on my chest and I put my arm around her waist.

Two days ago I had given her a choice and she finally chose me. So she travelled to Maryland to talk to Aaron. I was afraid that she would change her mind but I had to trust her. She was my beta and she had never let my down. I promised I would be waiting for her once she decided to come back and a few hours ago she texted me saying she was coming home. I left my house in the middle of the night and I climbed up her bedroom's window to wait for her. What happened next was even better than what I've dreamed of.

-You shouldn't feel guilty. – I said. I was serious. People should never feel guilty when it comes to assume their own feelings.

Our relationship was somewhat unexpected but it was real. So what if she was older than me? So what if we hated each other before? So what if we'd been raised together and our parents were best friends? Nothing mattered. We had fallen in love and we were finally together.

-I don't feel guilty Jake. I just feel sorry for him. He didn't deserve that.

-It was inevitable.

-I know.

-I always knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms. – I tried to cheer her up.

-Shut up Black! You're just lucky my mum and Seth are having dinner with Charlie Swan.

-I think they're the lucky ones. I don't think they would appreciate hearing our…

Leah kissed me preventing me to continue the sentence. I didn't mind at all. Her lips held some sort of magical power. My mind was blank every time they touched my skin.

Actually it had started with a kiss. I had been waiting for her to get home and when she came through her bedroom door all I wanted was to welcome her back and hug her to make sure she was finally with me. Things progressed quite rapidly from that point. When I realised what was happening we were both panting and trying to get rid of the stupid pieces of fabric that were covering our bodies.

The air was filled with lust, love and passion and I think everything happened naturally. Since I was still a virgin I let Leah guide me at first, although my wolf instincts picked up everything really fast and I took over pretty soon. She didn't complain.

-Do you realise I can go to jail because of you? – she asked slightly amused.

-Come on Leah…you said you didn't care I was younger. I'll be eighteen in a couple of months.

The age subject was really annoying. She was twenty one years old and I was seventeen. Of course no one would believe us because I could easily pass for a twenty-five year old.

-You're still illegal…I have to stay away from Charlie, just in case…

We both laughed.

-Seriously Leah…how was I? I mean…it was my first time…

She sighed and sat up in the bed holding the sheets around her.

-Boys and their ego…It's always about competition. If you ask me if yours' bigger than Sam's I'm going to murder you Black!

I pulled her down and she fell on top of me, cupping my face and kissing me softly.

-In a scale of one to twenty? – I insisted.

-Humm…You're a seventeen and a half. Are you happy now? – she looked a bit annoyed with my childish attitude but I knew she was just pretending. I could feel her heart rate fastening as our bodies touched again. She couldn't stay away from me for too long.

-I'm starving. – I complained. – Can you go get me something to eat?

I knew she'd flip after hearing this.

-I'm not your fucking maid! What the hell! – she released herself from my embrace and poked me.

I loved to see her like that. She was the cutest girl on Earth when she was furious. But she was also dangerous so I felt the urge to calm her down or I could end up castrated.

-It was a joke Leah.

She crossed her arms and glared at me.

-You're an asshole.

-Yeah…but you love me.

She smiled and got up from the bed.

-Where are you going? – I asked.

-To have a shower. When Seth gets here I can't smell like you, can I?

I frowned. I thought she was going to make me a sandwich.

-Stop sulking. If you're hungry just go downstairs and get something to eat.

She picked up a few clothes and left to the bathroom. When she closed the door I couldn't help to recall every single detail of what happened between us since she arrived. She had told me we should wait but in the end we couldn't resist to all the physical attraction between us.

I had fantasised about her for quite a while but making love to her was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced. It was amazing the way she made me feel connected to her all the time. It was as if we were just one person. I had never felt like that in my life. And when I took control of the situation she gave herself to me completely, as in body and soul. She was mine and I was hers. We had screamed, yelled and moaned each other's names and it felt like anything else mattered. The world could end and we wouldn't give a shit. I loved every second I had spent with her and although I knew we had rushed things a bit I didn't regret it. I closed my eyes and I felt actually happy for the first time in months.

-Jake…I can still smell you in me. – she said coming in and making me stare at her with a stupid grin on my face. I didn't care if she smelled like me actually I wanted her to smell like me because it meant she belonged to me only. – Seth's going to notice.

-Maybe we should tell them. I mean they will find out eventually.

-That's an awesome suggestion Jacob. Seth will kill you right there.

-They'll understand.

-Do you really know Seth?

-Sure.

-I don't think so.

-I didn't take advantage on you. I'm sure he'll see that.

-Maybe. After he _kills_ you. There's something you need to learn about my brother Jacob. He will kill you if he thinks you're going to hurt me.

-In that case, you just need to tell him that you love me too.

She glared at me again.

-You're insane. Alpha or not, Seth won't let this go easily.

-Ok…fine. We do it your way. What's your brilliant plan then?

She didn't have one. I knew it and she knew it, only she was too proud to admit she didn't have a plan.

-I think you shouldn't be here when they arrive. I'll prepare them and then tomorrow we can sort things out, ok?

-No.

-What?

-I said no.

-I know that. I want to know why you said no…

-When you came back with Aaron you didn't warn anyone you had a boyfriend. I had to watch you two together while my insides were twisting at the sight of you with another guy. You didn't care about our opinion, did you?

-You lost me Jake…I have no idea what you're talking about.

-Why can't you do the same with me?

-Do what?

-Why can't you just tell your mother and brother that we're together? Are you having regrets? Are you afraid of what they'll think?

-No. I'm not having regrets.

-Good, because you once told me you didn't want to be a replacement. And I don't want to be a secret. From now on it's you and me.

-Ok…if this is really what you want…we'll tell them tonight.

I got up quickly and put my arms around her. We remained like that for a couple of minutes until we heard a car pulling over.

-Are you ready? – she asked.

-Always.

xxxxxxxxxx

When I first finished my work on the Rabbit I felt so damn proud. I had done an amazing job. Quil and Embry even told me that. It felt good to have my own car finally. But right now I was not happy with the Rabbit. That stupid piece of crap was way too small for us. Leah and I had been struggling for over ten minutes trying to find a comfortable position in the back of my car. I couldn't find a way to take off her clothes without ripping them completely, which would make her really angry at me, so I had kept my hands on her waist and was just enjoying the feeling of her lips on my jaw line and my neck.

-Leah…I think this was a bad idea. – I confessed.

She looked at me with that "I-told-you-so" look on her face.

-No shit Sherlock. This is all your fault. – she accused.

She was right. My brilliant plan of telling Sue and Seth about us had been a total failure. Not only Seth tried to kill me in his living room but also Sue almost had a fit and the next day all the Reservation knew about us.

My father asked me to end our relationship because it was wrong. I was supposed to be with my imprint and I should just suppress all the feelings I had for Leah because she wasn't my soul mate. After that, my father gave me some advice of how to ignore the physical attraction that he thought it was the reason why I had fallen in love with Leah. He was completely unaware that we had already worked on that part of our relationship. Although I would love to see his face when I told him that, I decided to keep quiet.

Since I refused to stop seeing Leah my father called for backup. I wouldn't be surprised if he called the Cullens and begged them to bring Nessie back but he did something even worse. He called Sam fucking Uley. So the plan was to get Sam to tell me that it was impossible to resist the imprint pull and that I should be focused on protecting our people and passing on the wolf genes.

What a bunch of crap. Our talk started with a couple of insults, then escalated to a few groans and finally ended in both of us phased and trying to kill each other. This time it took more than just Paul and Jared to stop our argument. I will never forget the look on Sam's face when he realised that Leah and I had made love. I had a few injuries but it was totally worth it.

-Does it still hurt? – Leah touched softly the mark that Sam's teeth had left on my right shoulder three days ago.

-No.

I was speaking the truth. The physical pain that Sam had inflicted me was nothing compared to the pain of not being able to see her for three days and knowing that everyone was against us.

-I missed you. – she whispered.

-I missed you too.

-Jake… - she moaned as I kissed her neck and tried to get rid of her stupid dress causing the less damage possible.

-What?

-We need to find a way to solve this mess properly.

-I know.

She was right. I didn't want us to meet in secret. We shouldn't be doing that in the back of my tiny car.

I lifted my body up and accidentally hit my head. Leah laughed and I cursed. Then I opened the door and stepped out of the car.

-What are you doing? – she complained.

-I know you want to finish what we started but you're right. We need to fix things as in right now. – I announced.

-What do you mean? – she followed me fixing her dress properly.

-I meant what I said to Sue and Seth. I want us to be together like a real couple and I'm not going to run away from home at night to meet you in a cheap motel or...

-In the back of your car. – she finished for me.

-Exactly. Let's go.

She looked at me and complied. We got in the car again and I drove back to La Push.

-Are you heading to Old Quil's house? – she asked.

-Yep.

-They're having a meeting Jacob. Probably about us.

-Even better.

I pulled up and I went into the house without even knocking. I realised it was rude but I was going to fix this by today.

-Jake…what are you doing? – my father asked.

-I'm here to tell all of you that you don't own me or my life. – I started. I felt Leah beside me holding my hand and I felt I could face the whole council on my own.

-You shouldn't be here. – Old Quil mentioned.

-Tough. – I retorted.

-Watch your mouth boy. – Sue said getting up.

-Mum, please let him finish. – Leah asked.

They all looked at me in silence.

-I took a lot of crap from you since I became a wolf. – I continued watching them all. – I believed all the legends, I followed Sam's orders and I protected our people from all the leeches that crossed our lands. I accepted my fate because everyone kept telling me that it was the right thing to do. I sacrificed my happiness once…I'm not doing it again.

-It's your job, boy. Either you like it or not. – Old Quil stated.

-My job is to make sure the leeches stay away from here. And that's what my pack will do under my command. We'll keep everyone safe and we'll even reconsider to help Sam's pack when it's needed. But I'm not going to stop loving Leah because you all think she's not good enough for me. Because she is.

Sue crossed her arms and Sam glared at me as if he was ready to continue our latest fight.

-We love each other and you can't change that.

-What about Renesmee Cullen? – Old Quil asked. – She's supposed to be your imprint.

Leah tensed a bit beside me but she didn't let my hand go.

-Nessie's in Alaska. The Cullens moved on and so did I. Nessie doesn't need me anymore and if my imprint doesn't need me, I'll accept that.

-You have to pass the alpha gene. – my father said.

-Sam's an alpha too. He'll pass the gene.

-You're making a big mistake. – said Sam. I was going to answer him but I realised those words were meant to Leah.

-I made a few mistakes in my life Sam…but believe me this isn't one of them. I want to be with Jacob.

-You can accept us or you can treat us like renegades but you can't forbid us to be together. It's your choice. – I finished.

We turned around ready to leave until we heard someone calling us. It was Sue.

-You're really sure about this? – she asked. – Both of you?

-Yes. – we said at the same time.

She stood quiet for a while, probably thinking what to say next. I was sure she was going to try to convince us that we shouldn't be together because I was a wolf who had imprinted and Leah was a wolf who couldn't have kids. Bla bla bla.

-You're invited for dinner tonight Jacob.

Leah and I were shocked.

-And if you ever alpha command my Seth I will personally kill you. Got that? – she added.

-Crystal clear Sue. – I answered feeling a chill up and down my spine. I knew now why Leah was so scaring when she was angry. She got that from her mother. Definately.

-Now leave. We need to continue this meeting.

We left immediately. We knew this wasn't over just yet. Sue was the only one willing to accept our relationship and although that was a pretty good sign, we were aware that we still had a lot of challenges to face. But we didn't care as long as we were together.

We were about to get in the car when we felt someone approaching. Embry and Quil joined us. They had a small grin on their faces and I smiled knowing that they had changed their minds about us.

-I still think you're both crazy but I'm glad you're happy. – Quil stated looking from me to Leah.

-Thanks for your support Ateara. – Leah said. - I can sleep better now and all... - she mocked receiving a frown from Quil.

-I actually think Jake's better than Sam. – Embry confessed.

-Me too. - Leah agreed.

I grinned. I was certainly better than Sam and I would show that to Leah every time we were together. My seventeen and a half would turn into a twenty soon.

-Thanks guys I appreciate that. – I said.

-Seth…come on man…it's your turn. – Embry called and Leah and I watched Seth coming out of the woods. He wasn't in a good mood.

Leah was happy to see her brother there. I knew that she wanted his approval more than anyone else's.

-I will accept this temporarily. – he said glaring at me. His glares were actually becoming more efficient. I almost felt a bit of fear. – I will kill you if you hurt my sister. I don't care if you're my alpha, do you hear me?

I nodded.

-Good. And by the way…from now on I don't patrol with neither of you. I can't even think about watching you and my sister doing that...Ugh. Gross.

We all started laughing at this and Seth ended up joining us. Our pack was finally on good terms. We were together and everything was fine. At least for now.

The End

It was great to write this and to share it with everyone who read it. I have a request for all of you: if you know anyone inside Summit Entertainment please make them see that Jacob should've never imprinted on Nessie. That was wrong and did not make any sense. If they expect us to enjoy BD the movie, Melissa Rosenberg will have to change that. Hopefully she'll realise that Jake and Leah make a good couple.

Write more Blackwater. Lets show them that imprint on a child is wrong. Leah and Jake make sense. Take care. Karisan


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